


This Ink Is Still Drying

by sourpastels



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: A hell load of platonic Jean and Renee, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Assault, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jean works with Renee and Jeremy is a terrified but friendly customer, Kidnapping, Kinda? In Some Parts, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, renee/allison are a side ship but i love them so they get a decent amount of focus considering, world without exy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:17:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7068505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourpastels/pseuds/sourpastels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You can’t control who you want and you can’t control who hurts you</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jeremy was staring at Jean’s arms, tracing the bright swirls and splotches of ink that made up his sleeves with his eyes. His sleeves had been months of work and they still weren’t quite complete, he was still figuring out how to finish them. The first tattoo on his arms had been eight months ago, his first tattoo had been long before that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all major thanks to my beta readers because without them I would have burned this fic to the ground a long time ago.
> 
> This fic is already written out in it's entirety and i'll be updating once a day, there's five full chapters and an epilogue.
> 
> Also while the majority of tags will be updated as they become relevant (e.g. new characters entering the story) i've tagged for anything throughout the entire thing that I think could classify as a trigger warning, so please be mindful of those!

Jean walked through the door and placed his coffee on the unmanned front desk. It was still half an hour before his shift was supposed to start, they weren’t even technically open yet. He’d woken up at five in the morning from yet another nightmare, shaking and drenched in his own sweat, screaming his throat raw. He knew from experience there was no point trying to get back to sleep after that, so on mornings like these he just came to work.

Andromeda was a little tattoo and piercing parlor at the edge of town. It was best known for two things: the first was the fox design in the window, a bright, watercolor piece to big to fit comfortably on someone’s body. It had been there since before Jean took the job, and he’d always assumed that Renee had designed it before she’d told him it had been left there by the man who’d sold her the shop and she’d thought it too pretty to take down. The second thing Andromeda was known for was, well, for not being known at all.

“Renee, are you here?” He said, just loudly enough so that she could hear him.

He was really only asking to let her know that he was there, even though the little bell above the door would have done that for him. No matter how impossibly early Jean showed up for work, Renee was always in before him. He didn’t know how she did it, sometimes he wondered if she had nightmares too. She certainly had her reasons to, just as he had his, but most of the time he thought she was just a morning person. Jean tried to be a morning person, but it was difficult when he had to take sleep where he could get it, and often that wasn’t until the sun was coming up.

“In the back!” Renee called, appearing from the back room a moment later, pastel hair flying in every direction but otherwise looking the same as always.

Renee Walker didn’t look like how most people would expect the owner of a tattoo shop to. If you took away the pastel hair and the medusa piercing and didn’t know about the tattoos she kept hidden under her clothes she looked exactly like you’d expect a good Christian girl to, which he supposed made sense, because she was that too. Renee was a lot of things, a conundrum of pieces that shouldn’t go together, _Christian, former gang member, charity worker, killer._ She was a survivor of all the cruelty that the world could have shown her but somehow still impossibly good. She should make no sense, but somehow all her jagged pieces came together to make something not only sensible but incredible.

She was also one of the best tattoo artists than Jean had ever met, and that was saying something.

“Another nightmare?” Renee asked quietly, despite the fact that they were Andromeda’s only employees so there was no one to overhear them.

“Renee, I’m insulted. Is it so hard to believe that I just wanted to enjoy this beautiful morning?” He said, he hoped he sounded teasing, or perhaps even genuinely offended, but it just came out tired.

Renee gave him a smile that said in no uncertain terms that she didn’t believe him. He wouldn’t believe him either, it didn’t matter how beautiful the morning was when sometimes you weren’t sure you wanted to wake up at all, but she didn’t push it. That was one of the many things he liked about Renee, she was there to talk if he wanted it , but she never pushed if he didn’t. She was his best friend, his only friend. Jean didn’t make much effort to befriend anyone else, Renee had become his friend by accident, that was what happened when someone saved your life, and he didn’t think he needed anyone else.

They sat together, Renee stealing sips of Jean’s coffee. They didn’t talk, but it was the kind of comfortable silence that was only possible between two people who understood each other well enough to not feel the need to fill it with words. Once they were done, Andromeda was officially open for business, and then it became a waiting game.

The shop didn’t get much business, most people didn’t know it was there and most of those that did didn’t choose to come inside, but they had a small group of loyal customers. Renee liked to call that small group her “ _foxes”_ after the design in the window, Jean liked to call them strange and possibly insane, because most of them were, not that he had room to judge.

The first of _T_ __he F_ oxes _ through the door that day was Allison Reynolds. On the surface Allison was as different from their other customers as one could be. She was practically famous, impeccably made over, and seemingly well-adjusted. That was what Jean had thought the first few times she had stepped into Andromeda, looking out of place in a shop that most of their customers liked for the cheap prices and employees respect for privacy. When Jean had said as much to Renee, she had told him that Allison was rebellious, fierce, and miserable, he still wasn’t sure if it was true but if it was then maybe Allison was a perfect fit here after all.

“Your girlfriends here.” Jean whispered, deadpan.

“She’s not my girlfriend and you know it.” Renee whispered back.

Jean didn’t bother pointing out that if the way Allison looked at Renee was any indication then she clearly wanted to be, and the way Renee blushed meant that she wanted it too. He was no expert in relationships, or people in general, but he wasn’t blind.

“Renee. Jean.” Allison greeted, making her way over to the desk.

Jean just nodded in her general direction.

“A true conversationalist as always, I see.” Allison rolled her eyes before turning back to Renee, her uninterested expression turning into a flirtatious smirk.

“Allison.” Renee greeted brightly “ How can we help you today?”

Allison slid a design over the counter, something intricate and full of pinks and golds, and Jean stopped paying attention. Allison always came in with new designs, but Renee was always the one who tattooed her. Jean left them to it, looking over some paperwork as they talked.

He stared at the pages in front of him, trying to figure out how much they’d lost in this month's bills but his eyes skimmed the pages without taking anything in. His nightmare was still playing on his mind, like a film reel he couldn’t look away from, a high def rendition of all the things he didn’t want to see but couldn’t escape.

His nightmares were never the same on any given night. They had a lot of constants, one person, one place, feelings like pain and hopelessness and being trapped. The details always changed, though. The suffocating darkness exaggerating, human bodies distorting into terrifying echoes, different tortures, every different kind of pain, stinging, burning, blinding, the kind that only left scars in your mind. Last night’s terror had been him being held down against his will, a tattoo gun being shoved into his face. The worst nightmares were always the ones that were real.

Jean was grateful when he heard the bell ring, dragging him out of his thoughts and letting him know that someone had entered the shop.

He was surprised when he looked over to find that it wasn’t another fox, but Jean knew that he had never seen this guy before in his life. He barely had time to register what he looked like before their newest customer was making his way over to Jean.

“Uh, hey!” the guy greeted, his smile was bright but Jean knew nerves when he saw them “I’m…here to get a tattoo?”

“Well, that’s what we do,” Jean replied, voice bored, he knew he should have been nicer but he always hated this part.

“Right, of course,” The guy continued, seemingly undeterred by Jean’s attitude “Um, here you go.” He slid a piece of paper over the counter.

Jean looked over the design with a critical eye. He was used to having to make changes when a customer brought in their own design, but this one was practically flawless, if simple.

“Where do you want it?” Jean asked.

He watched the man gesture to the side of his ribs and raised an eyebrow, ribs were one of the most painful options possible and this guy screamed first time customer, but in the end he said nothing and gestured over to the free chair.

He let the guy settle on to the leather chair as Jean picked out his inks, it didn’t take long, black and then a few blues and greens. When he turned back he found the guy about ready to vibrate out of his chair.

“I need you to take your shirt off,” Jean said plainly.

“Oh- Right, yeah, of course sorry,” the guy replied, sitting up again and peeling his jumper off. “I’m just nervous, you can probably tell.” he laughed.

Jean could tell. He’d had needle phobics in here before but this guy was on a new level of ridiculous, it made Jean wonder why he was even doing this, then he noticed the glint of silver in his mouth and his confusion only grew.

“A fear of needles doesn’t make much sense when you’ve got a tongue piercing.” Jean raised an eyebrow as he started to trace the design onto the guy's body. 

“Fear of commitment?” The guy joked weakly “I was this nervous then too, I’m surprised the girl doing it even went through with it, there was probably every chance I’d flinch and end up with a needle in my vein. I got it the summer before college, some ridiculous attempt to reinvent my nerdy image, y'know? I’m pretty sure one of my brothers suggested it, which considering was every sign that I shouldn’t have done it.  I’m Jeremy. What’s your name?” He continued, all in one breath.

Jeremy was clearly a talker, and Jean had to resist the urge to sigh. He hated working with the people who talked all the way through, Jean liked to immerse himself in his work, get lost in watching art bloom on clear skin, in creating something. Talking always distracted him from that, he’d normally pass the more chatty customers off to Renee, but that wasn’t an option right now.

“Jean,” He replied, hoping that would be the end of it.

“Hey Jean, nice to meet you,” Jeremy grinned.

Jeremy managed to keep quiet through Jean tracing the rest of the design, the only sign of his nerves being the fingers he was tapping on the side of the chair, and Jean almost thought that was the end of it, but when he actually picked up his tattoo gun Jeremy started shaking again.

“So, honestly, how much does it hurt?” He asked, wide-eyed.

“Depends,” Jean answered.

“Helpful,” Jeremy rolled his eyes, but it seemed good natured “What was your first tattoo?”

Jeremy was staring at Jean’s arms, tracing the bright swirls and splotches of ink that made up his sleeves with his eyes. His sleeves had been months of work and they still weren’t quite complete, he was still figuring out how to finish them. The first tattoo on his arms had been eight months ago, his first tattoo had been long before that.

“This one,” Jean said, hesitantly lifting a finger to trace his own cheekbone.

On his cheekbone there was the image of a small bird taking flight, Jeremy didn’t need to know that Jean was actually talking about what was there before it.

“The face?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow “Man, and Laila told me that the ribs would be bad. You can start now, by the way.” He continued, he sounded nervous but decisive.

Jean leaned in and pressed the gun over the outline he’d drawn. He heard Jeremy wince, but he didn’t complain, Jean wondered if the way he tensed under Jean’s stabilising hand was from the pain or more nerves.

“Laila?” Jean asked, just in case Jeremy started vibrating out of his skin again, he may have hated talking but he’d hate messing up a tattoo more.

“Hmm? Oh. Laila’s one of my friends. She’s a tattoo artist too, well, she’s hoping to be. She designed this for me.”

That made sense as to why the design Jeremy had brought in had been practically flawless then, as simple as it was it was good too, his friend had potential.

“She’s the one who told me to come here, actually,” Jeremy continued.

Jean raised his eyebrows at that, he’d never heard of Andromeda being recommended before “Has she been here before?”

“No, but you’re the only tattoo place nearby other than The Nest and she went there once to ask for training, apparently no one there was very nice about it.”

Jean tried to crush down his panic at Jeremy’s mention of The Nest, but he couldn’t help freezing for a second, hand curling tighter around his tattoo gun in an attempt to fight off the wave of nausea rolling in his stomach. It felt wrong, hearing it mentioned here in Andromeda, neither he nor Renee ever brought that place up, not by name, despite the knowledge being a cloud over both their heads.

Jean didn’t say anything in response, using all his focus to go back to inking Jeremy’s skin. He could have told Jeremy that of course The Nest had turned his friend away, they only took people that they had chosen for themselves, provided they could break them down into what they wanted first. He could have told Jeremy that he should be grateful they’d turned her away. He didn’t, he still couldn’t talk about it, even now.

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked, it was the calmest that he’d sounded since Jean had met him, gentle instead of the tense tone his voice had been carrying just seconds before.

“Fine,” Jean said sharply.

Jean knew somewhere deep down that it probably wasn’t fair to snap at Jeremy like that, he also didn’t care. He had been hoping that Jeremy would miss his reaction and he was angry that he hadn’t, this guy had no right to poke at those parts of Jean’s past.

Jeremy didn’t say anything to that, and neither did Jean. He let everything else fade from his mind and he watched the ink bleed into Jeremy’s skin, focusing on nothing but letting the tattoo form from under the gun. Jeremy was clearly trying to stay still despite having nothing to distract him now, and in the back of his mind Jean appreciated that he hadn’t tried to drag Jean back into conversation.

“I’m done.” Jean said, after half an hour of silence.

He waited as Jeremy stared down at his ribs, checking how it looked. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but a toothy grin replaced the nerves that had been a constant on his face until now. Jean thought that the grin looked like it belonged on Jeremy a lot more than the nerves had.

“It’s amazing,” Jeremy said quietly.

“What does it mean?” Jean asked, and then flinched because he hadn’t meant to ask that.

He never asked what peoples tattoos meant, he knew better than anyone that tattoos could be incredibly private despite being displayed to the world. But he couldn’t deny that he’d been curious about Jeremy’s. He recognized the blue and green crossing lightsabers behind the quote, he wasn’t that far removed from pop culture, but he was curious about the quote itself.

“I was a bit of a nerd in high school, okay, more like a huge nerd,” Jeremy laughed “This quote always meant a lot to me when people would pick on me. I reinvented myself when I got to college, made actual friends, but this still means a lot to me, I can’t forget that nerdy kid.” Jeremy whispered, like it was a secret even though he was telling it to a complete stranger.

Jean read the tattoo again “ _If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can_ _possibly imagine.”_ it was simple but beautiful.

Jeremy handed over the money he owed and an extra slip of paper, when Jean read it it had Jeremy’s phone number on it.

“What’s this for?” Jean asked.

“You look like you could use a friend, Jean.” Jeremy said gently.

“I have a friend.” Jean replied, a little too quickly.

“You’re allowed more than one.” Jeremy laughed, but it sounded nervous “Just…text me if you ever want to talk, okay?”

And then Jeremy left, leaving a very confused Jean, still holding the slip of paper, in his wake. He didn’t understand why Jeremy would leave him his number, he didn’t want help or pity. He was fine here at Andromeda, he had Renee, he didn’t need another friend.

“That was interesting.” Renee said, sliding in next to him.

“What was?” Jean asked.

He looked around the shop realizing that Allison must have left since he couldn’t see her anywhere, but he hadn’t even noticed.

“You and that customer, I’ve never seen you talk so much, not even to me.” Renee said knowingly.

“He was nervous, it was the only way that I could get the job done.” Jean muttered.

“Okay, Jean. But he’s right, though, you are allowed more than one friend, maybe you need another one.” Renee smiled in that way she did when she knew something and was just waiting for you to realize the truth in it too, then she disappeared into the back room again.

Jean didn’t want to think about that, but he couldn’t help it. That was when he realized that until Jeremy had mentioned The Nest he had actually enjoyed listening to him talk, it had turned from an annoyance to a comfort before he could even register it.

They only had one more customer for the rest of the day, this time it was one of Renee’s Foxes, Neil. The guy looked homeless but he always seemed to have enough money on him for a new piercing, and every time he came in for a new one he had taken the last one they’d done out. After Neil left they started getting ready to close, and Jeremy found himself fishing the crumpled number out of his pocket.

**_I don’t want to talk._ **

He sent.

**_But meet me in half an hour if you want._ **

He added before he could change his mind.

Jean’s phone buzzed a moment later, when he picked it up to check it Jeremy had just sent him a smiley face emoji.

 **…** **_Is that a yes?_ **

Jean sent back.

**_It’s definitely a yes._ **

Jeremy replied.

* * *

 

They arranged to meet at a coffee shop a couple of blocks away from Andromeda. Jean felt strangely nervous as he walked towards the entrance, he’d considered turning back at least twice on the way over. He didn’t know why he’d decided to come. He didn’t know Jeremy, and Jeremy definitely did not know him. He didn’t want or need someone to talk to, he had Renee, he had his job, that was already more than he’d ever thought he’d get.

He shouldn’t be here. Jeremy hadn’t arrived yet, Jean could just send Jeremy a quick text saying that he couldn’t make it and then go home. He’d delete Jeremy’s number after after and pretend that it never happened. He dug around in his pockets, swearing slightly under his breath when he realized he didn’t have his phone. He had a bad habit of forgetting about it, he’d probably left it on the counter at Andromeda. He was about to head back there when Jeremy jogged up to him.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Jeremy greeted with a smile.

“By two minutes?” Jean asked, raising one eyebrow, he didn’t know anyone but himself who’d feel bad for being two minutes late, and he had his reasons.

“Still,” Jeremy shrugged “Do you wanna go inside?”

Jean hesitated for a second, but the anxious feeling wasn’t chewing at him quite so badly now that Jeremy was actually here, which was strange but welcome. He couldn’t exactly back out now, anyway.

“Sure,” Jean replied, trying not to sound absolutely unsure.

Jean let Jeremy hold open the door for him. Jean was the one who had suggested meeting here, other than work and home _‘Hazel’s coffee shop’_ was the only place he really spent any time, even if that time was just running by in the morning to get a coffee to go.

“Any recommendations?” Jeremy asked, looking up at the chalkboard menu above the counter.

“I normally get a black French press,” Jean answered.

“Okay, I’m not asking you for recommendations again.” Jeremy made a disgusted face, then laughed.

Once they had their coffee Jean let Jeremy lead him over to a small table in the corner, surrounded by two cushioned benches. Jean sank down into the seat and took a sip of his coffee, watching Jeremy, because he couldn’t help but pay attention to everyone and everything around him.

“I’ve never been here before, It’s nice,” Jeremy said, looking around.

It was a nice place. Jean had never really noticed before, too busy rushing in and out to appreciate the cosiness of the place, but he didn’t understand why Jeremy was talking about it, he thought it might be small talk, but he’d never really gotten used to that.

“It is, but I thought you were here because you wanted to hear all my dark secrets?” Jean bit out.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I just thought we could be friends, maybe, if you don’t mind,” Jeremy said, seeming a little deflated.

“And why exactly would you want to be my friend?” Jean asked, more of a challenge than a question.

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?” Jeremy asked, not really a question either.

Jean didn’t tell him what he was thinking, that yes, there were lots of reasons to not want to be his friend, to not want to be around him at all. He was full of a toxic kind of darkness that somebody like Jeremy could never understand, only people like Renee could. Jeremy wouldn’t want to be Jean’s friend because life had shown Jean that he was unlovable.

Jean didn’t say any of that, he just shrugged and said “Fine, we’ll talk about something else. We’ll talk about you. How’s the tattoo?”

“Stings a little still, but it’s fine. It’s beautiful, actually. Where did you train?”

Jean could feel his fingers tightening around his coffee cup, a desperate attempt to keep himself grounded. He glanced around at the warmly lit coffee shop, reminding himself that it wasn’t dark and cold here, before taking a deep breath and loosening his grip again.

“We’re talking about you, remember?” Jean said.

Jeremy seemed to grasp that this was one of the things Jean didn’t want to talk about, he looked like he was going to apologize for a moment before he smiled instead, seemingly happy to go along with talking about himself instead. He launched animatedly into conversation. Jean didn’t say much in response, he just listened while slowly finishing his drink, but he found himself almost smiling.

Jeremy talked more about his family, and Jean found out that he had three sisters as well as the twin brothers he’d mentioned and that the entire family was incredibly close. Jeremy told him about how he’d just finished his history major at USC and had moved into a flat with his friend Laila and her girlfriend, and that he loved them both to death but living with a couple was kind of difficult because he was always scared he was intruding.

They talked until they’d both finished their coffee, but Jean was too comfy to want to get up and buy a second cup, so instead he stayed put and let Jeremy keep talking until the coffee shop started closing up.

“This was nice,” Jeremy said, when they were standing outside.

“Yeah, it was,” Jean said, surprised to find that he meant it.

“Well, I’ll see you later?” Jeremy said, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jean nodded.

Jeremy smiled slightly before turning and walking away.

Jean got halfway back to his apartment before remembering that he didn’t have his phone on him and sighed as he turned back. He could just leave it until morning, but it was only ten minutes between his apartment and Andromeda and he had spare keys for the shop. Besides, he didn’t mind the walk. The weather was surprisingly nice even though it was late enough in the year for it to already be dark out.

Jean searched for his keys before realizing the door was already unlocked. That was strange, even Renee should have left by now. He pushed open the door, stomach churning with nerves. When he finally stepped inside he froze, because standing at the counter next talking to Renee was somebody who he’d thought he’d never see again.


	2. Chapter 2

“Kevin?” Jean breathed.

 Jean thought that he must be imagining things, he had to be. This couldn’t be real, he couldn’t be here. But there Kevin was, same black hair and green eyes as the day Jean had escaped, no, _left_ , he still wasn’t sure he could ever escape.

 “What are you doing here?” Jean said, but he couldn’t hear himself over the blood rushing in his ears and his own ragged breathing “How did you find me?” He tried again.

 That was when he really started panicking, because having Kevin here was one thing, but he suddenly remembered that Kevin hardly ever went anywhere without Riko. Breathing went from difficult to impossible. His eyes scanned the room frantically, as if he could have somehow of missed Riko’s presence. He wasn’t thinking logically anymore, all he was thinking was a fractured mantra of “ _run, hide, trapped.”_ as he slid down to the floor because his legs were shaking too much to hold him up.

 “Jean, Jean.” He heard Renee’s voice from somewhere beside him, he hadn’t seen her move, too focused on Kevin, but he supposed she must have “Jean, you’re okay, you’re safe. You’re just having a panic attack.”

 Jean tried to listen to her, she was usually the only person who could help him down when he was like this, but he couldn’t tear his focus away from Kevin. Kevin’s gaze on him was intense and unwavering, he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

 “Jean,” Kevin said, it sounded choked and full of disbelief.

 Somehow that was the thing that started to calm Jean down, the sound of Kevin’s voice, the disbelief in it. That was when he noticed the fact that Kevin’s arm was in a sling, and the frightened, tired look in his eyes. It gave him just enough focus to let him pull his eyes away from Kevin and settle on Renee’s face.

 “Jean, breathe okay? I need you to breathe with me,” Renee said gently, kneeling beside him now “Okay, just copy my breaths, then I’ll explain everything.”

 Jean nodded slowly, trying to copy Renee’s deep inhale and exhale. She stayed next to him the whole time, close enough to be a reassuring presence but never close enough to touch him. She knew that if she touched him or boxed him in in any way it would just make the attack worse, he’d never told her as much, but Renee had an instinct for these things.

 He didn’t know how long they sat there until his breathing started to even out again. When it did he felt jittery and exhausted, like he’d just run a marathon and was running on a last desperate deposit of energy. The cold of the floor was leaching into his legs uncomfortably but he couldn’t bring himself to move just yet.

 “Is he here?” Jean breathed, dragging his eyes back to Kevin.

 “No.” Kevin said, uncertain, like he couldn’t believe it either.

 Jean felt himself relax a little at that, his rigid limbs losing their tension slightly. Now that he could think a little more he’d realised that Riko hadn’t come for him, Kevin’s flittering eyes, his wrapped up arm, his very presence here, all pointed towards _something_. But he’d still needed to hear it.

 “Why are you here?” Jean asked.

 Renee cut in for Kevin there, taking explaining it out of his hands.

 “Kevin came here because he’s looking for someone. Not you, he’s looking for the man who owned this shop before me,” She said.

 “My father,” Kevin explained, words tumbling uncertainly.

 Jean hadn’t expected that. To be honest he didn’t know what he’d been expecting, Kevin standing in Andromeda still didn’t feel real, Jean felt like he was in a dream, hazy and helpless. Once he knew Kevin wasn’t there for him it hadn’t really occurred to Jean to question why he was, there was just relief.

 “The first and only time I met him was when he sold me the shop. He never left a forwarding address, or phone number, I’m sorry, Kevin.” Renee continued “He seemed nice. He sold me the shop at a discount price, I wouldn’t have been able to afford it otherwise. When I asked him why he just said that he saw something in me, wanted to give me a second chance.” She smiled fondly,  like she was reminiscing about someone she knew well instead.

 Kevin started pacing, clearly unsure what to do now.

 “I can try to find him. I’ll call my mother, Stephanie, she knows a lot of people, has connections,” Renee said decisively. “Until then, you can stay here.”

 “No!” Jean and Kevin said at the same time.

 “He can’t stay here!” Jean added desperately.

 “Why not?” Renee asked, somehow both genuine care and a challenge “ It’s not as if we couldn’t do with more employees.”

 “I won’t be any good to you,” Kevin muttered darkly, lifting his cast up “This was my dominant hand, the one I used to draw and tattoo.”

 Jean flinched at that, part sympathy but mostly at the memory of broken bones.

 “There are other positions,” Renee said simply.

 “I can’t work here. Riko will come looking for me, if he finds me here…” Kevin breathed.

 That was what Jean was afraid of, it was why Kevin couldn’t stay here. Jean hadn’t been important enough to come looking for, but Kevin was. Riko would never accept Kevin being anywhere but at his side, it was the way it had always been, even before Jean had ended up in The Nest.

 “Then where are you going to go?” Renee asked, when Kevin clearly didn’t have an answer she added “Just stay for the night, please, I’m not going to force you to take the job if you don’t want it, but it’s safer here than on the streets.”

 “One night,” Kevin sighed, clearly hating the idea.

 “There’s a room above the shop, you can stay there tonight,” Renee replied.

 Jean could feel his heart pounding in his chest, threatening to break his ribs. The idea of Kevin staying here was like a knife to his chest, if it wasn’t for Andromeda’s bright lights and splashes of color he’d feel like he was in The Nest all over again. He wanted to protest, to make Kevin go, leave him to face whatever was coming to him.

 But when he looked at Kevin he looked lost and alone, more frightened than Jean had ever seen him. Kevin had stood by him when he’d been going through hell, and maybe Kevin hadn’t done much, but he’d done what he could for Jean, and this is what Jean could do for him. It was just one night. As long as it was just one night, Jean could do this.

 “Fine,” Jean said through his teeth “One night.”

 “Now that’s settled, I’ll go see what I can do tonight,” Renee said, her voice was calm but it had a determined edge “Jean, are you okay now?” She asked, turning to him.

  
Jean nodded shakily. If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure if he was okay, he wasn’t sure about anything right now, his mind was a myriad of emotions, dashes of anxiety and hope churning in a mess of confusion.

 “Call me if you need anything,” She said, and with that she left Jean and Kevin alone in Andromeda.

 They sat in silence for a few moment, the air thick around them. Kevin was still staring at Jean as if he expected him to disappear any moment. He looked like he was aching to say something but couldn’t quite find the words. Jean wanted to wait him out, but the oppressive quiet got to him first.

 “What are you doing here?”

 “I told you, I was looking for my father.”

 “That’s not what I mean. Why aren’t you _there_?”

  _The Nest, why aren’t you in The Nest._

 Kevin didn’t say anything, but his eyes turned down to the cast on his arm, expression blank.

 “Kevin, what happened?”

  _What did he do to you?_

 “There was this…contest. Between me and Riko, to see who was the better artist. Riko won, Riko had to win,” Kevin stressed, running his good hand through his hair “But they realised that I was…holding back? Riko, he got angry…you know how it is.”

 Jean did know. He and Kevin had been in the hellscape that was The Nest together, albeit on different levels. Jean knew Riko’s anger like the back of his hand, it was always in his shadow, cutting through him like lacerations to his core.

 Kevin had never knows Riko’s cruelty, not in the same way Jean had. Jean had landed in the nest at the age of fourteen with Kevin already there. Kevin had always been there, he knew about nearly every torture that had been inflicted on Jean, but Kevin had always come out clean, damaged but not broken, not like Jean.

 “Yeah, I know how it is,”  Jean said, he didn’t know how he’d intended for it to sound but he could hear the bitterness dripping from his voice.

 He didn’t want to be bitter, not anymore, but he couldn’t help it. It was hard to forget the jealously that tried to consume you when you were being torn apart and looking at someone who seemed to have it together. He knew that was unfair, just because Kevin hadn’t suffered in the same way Jean had didn’t mean he hadn’t suffered. He’d started to let go of the jealousy in The Nest after he’d realised that, turning to anger and the wavering need to survive to get him through instead.

 Still, there was some dark corner in his mind that was happy Kevin knew a portion of that pain now. A larger part of him had never wanted Kevin to get hurt, not really. But he’d left Kevin alone in that place and now he’d felt that unflinching anger turned on him too.

 “So you just left? Don’t you realize how dangerous that is? You just painted a target on your back, Kevin, and Riko’s not going to miss it.” Jean said, strangled.

 “And what about you? You just left too, Jean! No one knew what happened to you, you could have been dead for all I knew! You left first! You left me!” Kevin’s voice was full of barely restrained anger.

 “I left you? You were Riko’s brother, I was alone in there! I was nothing!” Jean was shouting, then the exhaustion started to set into his bones and his voice lowered shakily “I was less than nothing, I was just Riko’s favourite plaything. It got too much, It finally got too much.”

 “What happened? How did you get out?” Kevin wasn’t looking at Jean anymore, and his voice was barely a whisper.

 “Do you remember Renee? From before, I mean? She came into The Nest one day. She’d just bought Andromeda and wanted to greet the other tattoo parlours in the city, I guess. Obviously it didn’t go well,” Jean laughed hollowly “But Renee saw me, I was bruised and limping, and she came and spoke to me, just for a moment. She gave me her number, I didn’t intend to use it, I knew how much trouble I could get in for talking to someone from the outside without permission. But it was nice, you know? I couldn’t stop myself. One day, _that_ day, Riko got angry…really angry. I still don’t why. But I was so broken, everything hurt so much, I thought I was going to die, and I didn’t mind. But I text Renee, apparently, I don’t even remember doing it. She came to get me out, it was the middle of the night, Riko had left me to deal with the blood. He was distracted with you, and Renee, she saved me.”

 The story Jean was telling Kevin was a half-truth. He didn’t tell Kevin how afraid he’d been when Renee had shown up, or how for weeks after leaving he’d begged Renee to let him go back because the price of being found would be too much. He didn’t tell him how he still dreamt of that place most nights, suffocating darkness crushing him and cruel hands breaking him.

 “And you’re getting mad at me for making him angry? You disobeyed his direct orders, you talked to outsiders, and your face-” Kevin ran his thumb across the number two on his own cheekbone “you escaped.”

 “He didn’t come after me, he’ll come after you; you were never nothing.” Jean whispered “And I didn’t escape, I was saved, there is no escape.”

 Jean was halfway to the door, mentally and physically exhausted, when he heard Kevin’s voice, barely above a whisper.

 “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

 “Me too.” Jean whispered back.

* * *

  
  
Jean woke up slowly, blinking against the sunlight streaming through his blinds. He groaned against his pillow, begging the world for five more minutes sleep even as he crawled out of bed. He hadn’t gotten much sleep. He’d walked from Andromeda to his apartment in a daze, barely registering the world around him. He’d spent most of the night after that staring at the ceiling, letting the disorientating emptiness consume him.

 Jean made his way to the kitchen, which was really just a corner in the living room. His apartment was kind of awful. It was one bedroom, one bathroom, and everything else shoved into one room that was only a fraction less tiny than the others. The cream paint was peeling from the walls and whoever the tenant before him was had left at least two years worth of dirt in the carpet. Still, he didn’t spend much time there, preferring to work, and anything was better than living in the rooms hidden beneath The Nest, and after spending the first six months after Renee got him out of there living on her couch, they’d both decided it was time for him to get a place of his own.

 He'd been living here for six months now, a year free of The Nest. Some days he still couldn't believe it.

 Jean went through his morning mechanically. He ate because he had to, because he had forgotten to for the past twenty four hours. He showered because he had to, let the water scald and freeze him because the heating system in his apartment was terrible. He got dressed because he had to, picking whatever was clean and didn’t seem like it would clash too badly out of his closet. Jean saved looking in the mirror for last, breathing deeply as he ran a hand through his hair, idly noting that the pastel blue was washing out, and looked into his own grey eyes as he told himself he could do this.

 He paused outside the door to Andromeda. It looked exactly the same from the outside, but knowing that Kevin was inside made it feel different somehow. He knew that it was stupid, Kevin would only be there for a few more hours, maybe he was already gone, even. But he knew it wasn’t Kevin he was avoiding, it was his past. How was he supposed to let go of his past when it kept reaching down his throat and clawing at his heart. It was selfish, but selfish was a way to survive. Jean stared at the door, it felt like his feet were glued in place.

 Jean only jumped a little when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He fished it out, not really thinking about it.

**_Good morning, Jean_ **

 It was a text from Jeremy, with yet another smiley face emoji tacked onto the end.

 It was an innocuous text, but in that moment it reminded Jean that he wasn’t about to walk into The Nest again. He had some kind of a life now, he had a friend, maybe two, and he could get good morning texts without them making his heart hammer and his blood run cold at the thought of Riko finding out. He wasn’t sure he was happy, but he’d been surviving, and that was enough, it was the most he’d ever get.

 Jean took a deep breath and walked through the door to Andromeda. He was relieved to find that it was only Renee in there, it was easier that way.

 “Did Kevin leave?” Jean asked, by way of a greeting.

 “He’s still upstairs, he hasn’t come down all morning. I don’t think he’s doing so well,” Renee replied thoughtfully.

 Jean just nodded. He doubted that either of them expected Kevin to be doing alright right now, his entire world had just been turned upside down, they both knew what that felt like.

  
Jean hoped that it would be a quiet day at the shop, no matter how bad that would be for the already struggling business. Thankfully, the morning stayed pretty quiet, no customers came in, and Kevin didn’t come down to the shop. Jean sat at the desk, sketching new designs just to keep his mind and hands occupied as Renee alternated between doing the same and going upstairs to check on Kevin.

 It took him a while to text Jeremy back, half because he almost forgot, but mostly because he was debating whether to respond at all. He’d realized after they had coffee that he did want to be Jeremy’s friend, spending time with Jeremy was surprisingly easy, and even more surprisingly enjoyable. But that was a lot more complicated than not wanting to be his friend, because Jean had no idea how to make friends, and he had no idea what Jeremy wanted from him.

 In the end he grabbed his phone and simply text back.

  ** _Good morning, Jeremy._**

 His phone vibrated five seconds later.

  ** _How are you?_**

 It was prefaced by three more smiling emojis.

 Jean didn’t know the answer to Jeremy’s question. How are you? It was so simple yet so complicated. It had too many answers. He could say he was fine, but he wasn’t sure if that was true, he could tell Jeremy what happened, but that would mean talking about The Nest, he could say “ _I have spent so long not being okay that I’m not sure I know how to be anymore.”_ That was closest to the truth, but he didn’t want to say that, it was too much.

  ** _Why do you use so many emojis?_**

 He sent instead.

  ** _??? I like them!_**

  ** _You would._**

 Jean typed out, but he couldn’t help but smile.

 His smile faltered when Kevin came down the stairs. Kevin looked even worse than he had last night, there were dark bags under his eyes, his hair was a greasy mess, and he looked around the shop like he wasn’t really seeing it. Renee was with him, but he was glaring at her like she’d made him come downstairs, maybe she had, not that Jean had ever seen Kevin follow anyone’s orders but Riko’s.

 Renee pulled out a stool, and Kevin sat on it automatically. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t look at either of them, so Jean tried to ignore the fact he was there. He went back to sketching, trying not to let his hand shake when he caught Kevin’s cast in his peripheral vision.

 They get their first customer around noon, and of course it’s a Fox. Their customers name was Nicky, Jean had tattooed him once, he’d gotten the name of his boyfriend inked on his wrist, which Jean only knew because Nicky hadn’t stopped talking about said boyfriend the entire time, after that, Jean had let Renee take over tattooing him whenever he came in. For some reason, Nicky always came in with a pair of identical twins who looked thoroughly bored and hardly said anything. Jean thought that Nicky had said they were his cousins, but he’d tuned Nicky out by then.

 Jean let Renee take the front desk, keeping his eyes on his half-finished design. He tried to tune everything out as he sketched, surprisingly easy since he had years of practice. His hand was shaking still, and eventually he messed up badly enough to give up and throw the piece of paper in the trash. He turned to throw it and his eyes caught on Kevin’s face.

 Kevin was finally looking at something like he saw it, which wouldn’t be particularly strange except he seemed to be only seeing one thing in particular. Jean followed his line of sight, and landed directly on one of the twins. Jean didn’t know their names, and he couldn’t really tell them apart at first glance. On second glance he noticed that the one Kevin was staring at was wearing black armbands that stretched from his wrists to his elbows and wore his expression of boredom slightly differently, less complete boredom and more cold indifference.

 “Kevin, what the hell?” Jean asked “Why are you staring at that guy?”

 Kevin’s face was unreadable, not because it was showing no emotion but because it was showing too much all at once, like his brain was going faster than his muscles could follow. The twin wasn’t looking back at Kevin, though Jean didn’t understand how he couldn’t feel Kevin’s stare burning into his side. Perhaps it was a purposeful lack of acknowledgement, but that didn’t seem to deter Kevin.

 “Seriously? Do you know him or something?” Jean demanded “He’s not- he doesn’t have anything to do with Riko or The Nest, does he?” Jean added, the thought chilling him down to the bone.

 It didn’t make much sense, considering that both twins and their cousin had been in here before Kevin had even left The Nest. But maybe they had always been coming here to watch Jean, send information back to Riko or his uncle. Jean had eventually settled with the idea that they hadn’t found him worthy of coming after, but he’d ended up in The Nest in an attempt to repay a debt, maybe they were still intent on collecting it.

 “No,” Kevin said, finally noticing Jean was speaking but still not tearing his eyes away. “Not in the way you’re worried about, just…leave this to me,” Kevin added, getting off the stool and marching his way over to where the twins were stood while Renee tattooed Nicky.

 Jean couldn’t hear the conversation they were having across the room, though he could see Kevin’s demanding stance and armband twins impassive expression and wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“I thought you said you didn't want the job. This was only supposed to be one day, Kevin,” Jean said darkly.

 “That was then, this is now,” Kevin protested.

 “And what does he-” Jean gestured to the short, blonde man standing next to Kevin “-have to do with this?!”

 “Andrew can protect me,” Kevin said bluntly.

 Jean looked Andrew over quickly, assessing him. He couldn't have been taller than five foot, Jean had to crane down just to look at him. He didn't look particularly threatening, but there was still something about him that seemed dangerous. Maybe Jean just didn't find him threatening because he associated a threat with dark hair and a number one inked onto a cheekbone. Still, this wouldn't be enough to stop Riko, would it?

 “And how do you know that?” Jean protested.

 “Because I know him,” Kevin argued.

 That surprised Jean, though he supposed it made more sense than Kevin going up to strange guy and asking him to protect him against his abusive ex-boss who would no doubt be hunting him down, he couldn't imagine any stranger agreeing to that, though he couldn't imagine why Andrew had either.

 “What's in this for you?” Jean asked, turning to Andrew.

 “We made a deal,” Andrew said, like it didn't actually interest him at all.  
  
“Right, and what skills do you actually have that mean we should hire you?” Jean asked, annoyance clear in his tone.   
  
Jean hadn’t expected an answer and Andrew didn’t give him one, but after a moment Kevin answered for him.   
  
“He can design. He was practically an art prodigy in high school, could have been something special if he’d actually tried. I wanted to recruit him years ago, but he declined,” Kevin still sounded annoyed about that.

 “What's going on over here?” Renee asked, walking over to them, Jean guessed she'd finally finished the pride flag she'd been tattooing on Nicky's thigh.

 “Andrew, what's happening?” Nicky asked, coming up behind Renee. He was looking between Jean and Kevin like he wasn't sure if he should apologize to them or argue with them.

 “We work here now,” Andrew addressed Nicky.

 “We do?” Nicky asked, raising both eyebrows.

 “You were looking for a job, weren't you?” Andrew replied.

 “Yeah, but that's just for until I go back to Germany, I just need to make enough money to get there,” Nicky said.

 “Then we all can work here until then, right Aaron?” Andrew said.

 “We've talked about this-” The other twin said, Jean had forgotten he was there until now “I'm going to medical school next year, I don't need a job.”

 “I think we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves here,” Renee said, sensing an argument brewing just like Jean and trying to cut it off before it started “As the manager, it's my job to decide if people get jobs.”

 “If you give him a job here, I'll take the job you offered me last night,” Kevin said.

 “Andrew?” Renee said, turning to Andrew. They were friends, or at least Jean thought they were. Despite the fact that Andrew had never gotten tattooed he'd shown up to Andromeda by himself a few times, just to talk to Renee.

 “I'll work here if they do,” Andrew nodded to his family.

 “I'm not working here,” Aaron repeated.

 “Jean? What do you think? This is your shop too.” Renee asked him, gently.

 Jean paused, unsure what to say. He was still getting used to actually being asked for his opinion on things, his _permission_ on things. He knew he didn't feel good about Kevin working here, and if that came with two or three other people he didn't know or trust then that was even worse.

 But he didn't feel right turning Kevin away. It felt like a betrayal, which was an unusual feeling when his life had been about self-preservation for so many years. So many years that he'd spent with Kevin, Kevin who was by Riko's side, but also by his, as much as he could be considering the lives they'd lived. Kevin wasn't his friend, not like Renee was, not like Jeremy might be, but he'd been the closest thing for a while. Jean wished that didn't mean something, it wouldn't have, once, but he was learning how to be a different person, and to the person Jean was today, it meant something, even if he still wished it didn't.

 “It's your funeral, don't make it ours too,” Jean warned Kevin, then he turned to Renee “I need a break.”

 “Take your time,” Renee said understandingly.

 Jean walked outside and leant his head against the concrete wall with a sigh. He unlocked his phone and ignored Jeremy's last text, which was just a sticky out tongue emoji, and typed out a message.

  ** _By the way, I don't think I'm okay._**

  ** _Do you want to tell me why?_**

  ** _It's a long story._**

  ** _Want to hang out? Take your mind off it?_**

 Jean thought about that. He probably shouldn't go, it was still a couple of hours until his shift was over. He wasn't even sure he wanted to leave, he loved his job, more than was probably healthy. But he needed to clear his head, he needed space to breathe. Too much had happened in the past twenty four hours, Jean's world had been turned upside down yet again.

  ** _Okay._**

 He sent back.

  
Jeremy had sent Jean directions for where to meet him, after a text just saying “I know a place.” Jean had asked for more information, but Jeremy had replied with “Trust me?” and Jean had decided to let himself do just that.

 This time when he showed up Jeremy was there first, leaning against a wall with his hand in his pockets. His face split into another blinding grin when he noticed Jean approaching him.

 “This is the place you know?” Jean greeted flatly.

 “Yep.” Jeremy answered, popping the “p”, “It'll take your mind off it.”

 “Go-karting?” Jean replied blankly.

 “We can go somewhere else, if you want?” Jeremy said, grin faltering slightly.

 “No,” Jean replied quickly, because for some reason he didn't want Jeremy to stop smiling “This is fine. I've just...never done it before.”

 “Well then, consider it an adventure,” Jeremy grinned wider.

 “An adventure, of course,” Jean replied wryly.

 “Come on,” Jeremy said excitedly, reaching out for Jean's hand.

 “Really?” Jean asked flatly, staring down at the outstretched hand with a raised eyebrow.

 “You don't _have_ to take it.” Jeremy rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

 Jean stared down at the hand for a few more moments. He'd never been big on physical contact, or maybe he had once, before The Nest, but he tried not to think about those days as much as he tried not to think about the time in The Nest itself, the boy who had existed before The Nest had died a long time ago. Still, for whatever reason, he was kind of tempted to take Jeremy's hand, so eventually he let his fingers curl between Jeremy's with a sigh, surprised at how warm Jeremy's hand was.

 “Let's go,” Jeremy grinned, breaking out into a run to the nearest booth for them to pay and dragging Jean along behind him.

 

* * *

Jean got out of the go-kart with his heart racing and his limbs shaking, but for once it wasn't in a bad way. He was loaded with adrenaline and it felt surprisingly good, he felt like he could do anything.

 “So? have fun?” Jeremy asked.

 “It was okay,” Jean shrugged.

 “Just okay? Are you sure? Because you're smiling,” Jeremy said teasingly.

 “No I'm not,” Jean said immediately.

 “Yeah, you are. It's nice, I haven’t seen you smile before,” Jeremy replied.

 “Shut up,” Jean muttered without any real heat.

 “And now you're blushing,” Jeremy observed.

 “I am not,” Jean replied, even though he knew he might have been “And I thought I told you to shut up.”

 “Okay, okay, I'll shut up,” Jeremy laughed gently “Want me to walk you home?”

 “Why would you do that?” Jean asked, confused.

 “Why wouldn't I?” Jeremy replied easily, but he was rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. “Is it that bad spending time with me?”

 “No, it's not. I guess you can walk with me if you want,” Jean said.

 “Okay, cool,” Jeremy said, the tone of his voice sounded odd, Jean couldn't figure out why.

 They spent the walk back to Jean’s apartment mostly in silence, but it was a surprisingly comfortable one; it was also surprisingly comfortable when their hands brushed together occasionally. They walked slowly, but it still wasn’t long until they reached Jean’s front door.

 “So, did it take your mind off of whatever was wrong?” Jeremy asked.

 “Yeah, it did,” Jean said, realizing suddenly that it had.

 “Do you wanna talk about whatever is wrong?” Jeremy asked.

 “It's just...stuff at work,” Jean answered. “New employees.”

 “Well, I hope it works out, honestly,” Jeremy said earnestly “So...I'll see you around.”

 “Yeah,” Jean nodded.

 “Cool...you uh, have my number, so yeah,” Jeremy said, starting to back away.

 “See you, Jeremy,” Jean said lightly.

 Jeremy waved before turning around and starting off down the street and Jeremy walked back into his apartment building, feeling lighter than he had for days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun facts: when i sent this chapter to my beta readers i titled it "knock knock it's kevin here to fuck shit up" but i didn't do this here because i'm a ~professional~ 
> 
> talk to be about this here or on my tumblr forestparrish? please i thrive off of attention (just kidding) (but if you do want to talk to me i would really appreciate that)


	3. Chapter 3

Things changed after that. Andromeda felt full and crowded even though they'd only took on two new bodies, Aaron choosing not to work there, his brother had been so insistent the day they'd been offered the jobs, but if Jean hadn't seen that for himself he'd think that Andrew couldn't care less.

Jean didn't know how he'd expected that first day to go, though he'd turned over enough possibilities in his mind after the rush of his time with Jeremy had worn off. In the end, he should have expected what he got from their new employees. Andrew was mostly silent, but Nicky more than made up for it by never shutting up. The biggest surprise was when Aaron did show up at Andromeda's door,though he pushed past his brother and cousin like he didn't really want to be there, covering the front desk and books and pages that Jean wasn't going to attempt to understand, then sat and worked silently.

Most days Jean tried to stay out of everyone's way except for Renee's, but it wasn't as easy as he had been hoping. He was used to navigating Andromeda as an almost empty space. Now every step he made he ended up in someone else's space, it was like navigating a mine-field, only ten times more annoying. First, the front desk was taken over by Aaron, and asking him to move had resulted in Jean being glared at for a few good minutes until he'd given up glaring back. Ending up in Andrew's space was an environment of cold indifference, which was fine until he'd accidentally bumped into Andrew and been met with a burning death glare that just promised violence.

“Don't touch me,” Andrew had muttered darkly.

Jean had kept his distance after that.

He didn't know whether it was because he was afraid or because he understood, he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Running into Nicky was...interesting. Nicky seemed to take being in the same room as him as an invitation to talk, and talk fast, loud, and non-stop. Once Jean had been drawn into conversation he wasn't entirely sure how to make it stop. Following the conversation was hard enough, as Nicky seemed to switch between topics with absolutely no warning or connection. He thought that Nicky had been talking about how much he missed German wine, but now he seemed to be ranking Nicholas Cage movies in some incomprehensible system.

“I have to go,” Jean said flatly, interrupting Nicky's review of Ghost Rider.

“Dude, I haven't even gotten to the wicker man yet!” Nicky yelled after him, but Jean didn't turn back and Nicky didn't try to follow him.

Jean found himself in the back room, staring at Renee's punching bag as he tried to catch his breath from everything that was happening. It wasn't that he didn't like their new employees, though he wouldn't say he  _ did _ like them either. He didn't know how to feel about them other than the fact that he didn't really know them, and therefore didn't really trust them. He was trying his best to trust Renee's judgement, if Renee trusted them then that was enough for him, or at least it  _ should _ be, believing something in practice and believing something in reality were very different things.

He took another moment, putting off going back outside for reasons he could barely justify to himself, it felt cowardly, and Jean wasn't sure who he was sometimes but he didn't think that was what he wanted to be. He took another deep breath, steeling himself to go outside. He was just about to move when there was a knock at the door.

**“** Uh, Jean? I don't know what you're doing in there but I thought you should know that there is a guy at the front door asking for you,” Nicky said from the other side of the door “He said his name's Jeremy. He's hot,” Nicky added when Jean didn't reply immediately.

“Don't you have a boyfriend?” Jean said. He opened the door and glanced at Nicky’s wrist where Erik Klose was tattooed in swirling letters, because he hadn’t been able to think of anything else to say to that.

“Yeah, do you?” Nicky said, grinning.

Jean stared at him blankly.

“So, if he's not your boyfriend, I see no problem with me looking,” Nicky exclaimed cheerily.

“...Right,” Jean replied flatly “I'm just gonna go now.”

Jeremy was waiting for him in the main store, which shouldn't have been surprising but was. Seeing Jeremy here felt both right and wrong, on one hand this was where they'd met, and Jeremy fit in oddly well here among the brightly coloured walls and glowing lights, but on the other hand it felt kind of like his two worlds were colliding. Jeremy felt separate from Andromeda somehow, Jeremy was somebody that was starting to feel  _ his _ in the way Andromeda was starting not to, if it ever had in the first place.

“So, I see you weren't exaggerating when you said new employees. Wasn't there like...two of you last time I was here?” Jeremy said, he was smiling but it seemed thin.

“Yeah, there was,” Jean said, a little tiredly “Why are you here?”

“Well, you were having a bad day yesterday because of work, so I thought maybe you'd like some friendly company...if you're not busy that is? I wouldn't want to interrupt business or anything...” Jeremy trailed off, chewing his lip.

**“** No worries! I've only been working here for a few days but I'm pretty sure we don't get customers,” Nicky yelled cheerily from across the room “Stay as long as you like!”

“Are you cool with that?” Jeremy asked, not turning to Nicky but staring straight at Jean.

It felt wrong, letting someone who wasn't an employee sit in the shop, taking up space, potentially distracting him, then he remembered that was a way of thinking drilled into him in The Nest and pushed it from his mind with vehemence.

**“** Okay,” Jean attempted a smile, but he knew it must look as nervous as Jeremy's own. That wasn't right, Jean thought suddenly, Jeremy's smile was supposed to be a blinding grin, not a worried line.

“Can you move?” Jean directed his words at Aaron, who was still taking up the entirety of the front desk and therefore the only place to really sit.

“No,” Aaron said shortly, not looking up from the book he was frowning at.

“Do you even work here?” Jean asked, narrowing his gaze.

“No,” Aaron said again, still not looking up at Jean despite the fact he could most likely feel his glare.

“Then why are you here?!” Jean exclaimed.

“Do you really care?” Aaron asked flatly, finally looking up from his book.

“No,” Jean answered flatly “Just get off the desk.”

“It's fine, really,” Jeremy said, still sounding a little anxious.

Jean was tempted to keep arguing, but the idea of making Jeremy feel more uncomfortable made something inside him twist uncomfortably. It was a fairly new feeling and he wasn't sure whether it was welcome or not.

“I'll get you a chair,” Jean sighed instead, sending a rude look Aaron's way as he went off to find one.

He came back with something rickety and old from the next room and placed it in front of the desk, as far away from Aaron as he could.

“So...hey,” Jeremy laughed slightly, looking up at Jean openly.

Jean always found it a little striking, how open Jeremy was. Jean had spent years locking his emotions away inside, making sure they didn't show on his face and ignoring them until he could barely feel  anything but flashes of anger and exhaustion. He felt  _ more _ now, things like all-encompassing fear, but he didn't have that kind of open happiness present on his face.

But he realised that maybe Jeremy wasn't as open as Jean had once thought. He'd saw just moments ago that Jeremy was uneasy. He was trying to hide his feelings for some reason, hiding nerves or something else under a mask of a smile that couldn't seem quite real no matter how hard he tried because Jean had seen Jeremy's real smile and it was too amazing to fake.

“What's wrong with you?” Jean asked, his own unease making it come out ruder than he'd intended.

“Uh, nothing,” Jeremy answered, seemingly startled by the question, smile faltering for a second.

“Yeah, very convincing,” Jean replied flatly, raising an eyebrow. He wished that Jeremy would just be honest with him, he knew it was hypocritical, he still hadn't told Jeremy anything about his past, he talked about his feelings rarely and through cryptic sentences and omission.

Was it unfair, then? To expect, or at least want, the complete opposite from Jeremy? Probably, but it seemed he couldn't help it. He wanted Jeremy to trust him with this, whatever it was. Caring about someone else's feelings was as new as caring about his own, and just as confusing.

“I was just...I  _ am _ just...anxious, I guess,” Jeremy said, his voice wavered slightly, but his eyes stayed steady on Jean's face, almost a challenge.

“Do you want to tell me why?” Jean asked, meeting the challenge in Jeremy's eyes.

**“** I'm always anxious,” Jeremy replied, there was resignation in his tone but his body language was awkward, unsure.

**“** You never seem to be,” Jean replied, floored by the admission, he'd never thought Jeremy particularly anxious before, barring their first meeting, but that had seemed incidental, not like it was his usual state.

“Years of practice,” Jeremy answered simply, a smile back on his face, it was small, but seemed far more genuine than before. It was a small victory but it warmed Jean none the less.

**“** I know what you mean.” Jean admitted, softly. It was astounding how everything else seemed to melt away when he was talking with Jeremy. He forgot his worries about having Jeremy in the shop and his fears of Kevin or their new employees or what might be in store for them. It felt like it was just the two of them.

Jeremy showed up at Andromeda every day after that. It still confused Jean every day it happened, every morning when he woke up he was sure that today would be the day Jeremy stopped showing up, the day he gave up on Jean and the friendship they were building. Jean couldn't understand why Jeremy kept coming back, but he didn't want to question it out loud in fear of breaking whatever it was.

So they spent those days together, in a little tattoo shop that nobody knew about. Jean still found himself panicking about it at times, Kevin's pointed looks from across the room didn't help. He knew that Kevin was still in the mind-state of  The Nest's conditioning that made the idea of anything but work unfathomable.

Kevin had been spending most of his days at Andromeda quietly sticking to Andrew's side and lowly cursing his broken hand, it was clear he was itching to get a pen or tattoo gun back in his hand again, and it was only making his presence harder on all of them because he was pushing all of them to work harder, be better. It wasn't the Andromeda that Jean was used to, it was like almost like being back in The Nest, and he spent his time being extra grateful for Renee.

Renee was keeping Jean sane, and he thought that he wasn't the only one who thought she was a godsend. He already knew that Andrew liked her and Nicky was clearly appreciative of the peace that she attempted to bring, he had said as much, because no matter how much Jean tried to avoid Nicky at work he always seemed to get dragged into conversation anyway, though Nicky did occasionally give up and go bother his cousins again when Jean was busy talking to Jeremy.

Renee seemed more than happy to let Jeremy hang around Andromeda. It was probably because she hoped it would help Jean adjust, or at least distract him from having new co-workers. He'd resent her for it if he could ever resent Renee, but instead he was just silently grateful, though he was always silently grateful to Renee.

* * *

It was three weeks since Jeremy had started coming by Andromeda and Jean was starting to think that maybe today was the day he'd stop. Jean had started his shift as soon as the shop opened. (He could pick later shifts now, if he wanted, but he didn't. He knew that he'd be made to some time off at some point, now that he actually had the chance to, but despite everything he still felt best with a tattoo gun in his hand, he was still obsessed.) It was now lunch and Jeremy still hadn't shown up.

Jean knew that anyone else would tell him he was being irrational, but that thought barely crossed his mind. He'd tried not to worry about it for the first few hours, it was no big deal right? So what if Jeremy was a little late, he had a life outside of Jean. But by the time it hit eleven he'd started to feel a gnawing worry in the pit of of his stomach, he hated it, he was being an idiot, even if Jeremy didn't show up it was fine.

But he'd spent half the morning bristling at anyone who came near him by the time Jeremy showed up, flying into the shop incredibly flustered, hair askew and holding a huge tray of takeaway coffee.

“Hey,” He said, gasping for breath but smiling “I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier, I kind of got caught up.”

**“** Were you getting coffee for four hours?” Jean asked, staring down at the cups of coffee in Jeremy's hands and acting as casual as possible to hide that he'd been worrying.

“No, well...kind of?” Jeremy said “I had a...very hectic morning.”

Jean gave him an expectant look, but Jeremy just seemed to stare at him for a moment before starting suddenly and remembering to elaborate.

“Oh right, so yeah, I kind of had a job interview? So I woke up at four in the morning-”

“What time was you interview?” Jean cut in.

“Err, nine,” Jeremy admitted.

“Right,” Jean said, a little disbelievingly.

Either Jeremy was far too prepared or he had issues sleeping just like Jean did, maybe both, but he wasn't going to ask, it seemed a little personal, and it wasn't like he could judge either way.

“Yeah, so I started mainlining coffee when I woke up, I'd gotten through two pots of instant by the time Laila and Alvarez woke up, and then they started bitching that I drank all of the coffee, well Alvarez did, Laila is the definition of a morning person, which to be honest, I don't know if it's impressive or scary.”

Jean did his best to follow what Jeremy was saying, but the copious amounts of caffeine in his system were apparent and he was going a mile a minute.

“So then they dragged me out to get more coffee, which was nice and all but then I was running late to my interview and I forgot to text you and I'm sorry,” Jeremy breathed.

“It's fine,” Jean said, honestly, because it was completely understandable. “That still doesn't explain all the coffee though, and how did the interview go?”

“Oh yeah, right, um-” Jeremy started, ducking his “Well I felt bad once I realized I hadn't text you, so I thought I'd bring you coffee to try and make up for it? But then I felt like I should probably bring everyone else coffee too, and I didn't know what they wanted, so I guessed... and also I wanted coffee.”

“Thanks,” Jean said, but it was drowned out by Nicky's celebratory cheer as he rushed to grab three of the cups, placing one in front of each of his cousins before chugging half of his own in one go while the twins looked at theirs suspiciously. Renee took hers with a polite thank you but didn't go to drink it and Kevin just glared as his was placed in front of him.

“The interview?” Jean prompted as they sat down.

“It went well, I think,” Jeremy beamed “It was for a position at the elementary school, teaching. I think they liked me, anyway, I hope.”

**“** Teaching?” Jean reiterated. He'd never really thought about what kind of job Jeremy might have before, but being a teacher seemed to fit him well.

**“** Yeah, I graduated from USC with a major in it last year, and did some work experience after, so hopefully I get it,” Jeremy said.

“I hope you do too,” Jean smiled, earnestly.

**“** Well, I hope I do even more if it makes you smile like that,” Jeremy teased.

Jean ignored the way Aaron was pretending to gag into his coffee cup and scoffed judgmentally so that he wouldn't blush, he was about to say something back when Renee came up to them.

“Jean, I'm sorry to interrupt but can I talk to you for a moment?” Renee said, she was smiling but there was a tightness around her eyes.

“Sure,” Jean said, immediately concerned, mind whirling with possibilities of what could possibly be wrong as Renee calmly lead him to a quiet corner.

“Allison just text me,” She said, and that sent Jean from panic to confusion.

“Okay. So what are you telling me? That you finally gave your girlfriend your number?” Jean asked dubiously.

“No, and I already told you she's not my girlfriend,” Renee said lightly, before her tone dropped to serious again “There's been some issue with her family, something about a scandal and being disinherited. She's on her way over and I was wondering-”

“You were thinking of giving her a job?” Jean finished for her, flatly.

“She really has nowhere else to go, at least it doesn't seem like it. She said she had a couple of friends she could stay with but that would still leave her unemployed and near broke,” Renee explained.

“So why are you telling me? It's your shop, Renee,” Jean said, as much as he appreciated the way Renee asked him things like this, he wasn't sure how to respond, saying no would hurt Renee and that was never what he wanted...sometimes he thought it was easier when he didn't have to make decisions, but he always left that train of thought behind him because he'd much rather have this.

“Jean, this shop has been just as much yours as it is mine from the day you showed up. Just because it's my name on the paperwork doesn't mean that you don't get to have a say in what happens around here. I'll always value your opinion. You matter, Jean, to me and to this shop, never forget that,” Renee said, softly gripping Jean's shoulder.

Jean couldn't help the smile on his face at that, but he wasn't sure that he'd want to. He felt a rush of warmth for Renee, his best friend who was always so thoughtful when she didn't have to be, had every right not to be. He was tempted to draw her into a hug but he wasn't really a hugging person, so he hoped a smile could convey how grateful he was. If anyone would understand, it would be Renee, and her answering smile told him that she did.

Their moment was interrupted by the door slamming open by what Jean could only describe as a ball of blonde fury. He could finally understand what Renee meant when she's told him that Allison Reynolds was fierce, “a force to be reckoned with” Renee had once said, and right now Jean couldn't argue.

“Where's Renee?” Allison addressed the room before her eyes narrowed in on Renee's form in the corner and she made her way over like she could see nothing else, a woman on a mission.

“Renee,” Allison breathed. There was still rage underlying her tone but the way she said Renee's name sounded like relief.

“Allison,” Renee said, and it sounded like an offer of salvation. “What happened?”

Renee and Allison were staring at each other like there was no one else in the world, close enough to practically breathe the same air.

Jean felt awkward and out of place standing next to them, so he silently excused himself to wander back to Jeremy, distancing himself from the conversation even though it was hard to keep anything private in a small shop like this, words like “rebellion” and “disappointment” echoing back to him in Allison's sarcastic tone.

“What's all that about?” Jeremy asked, glancing over to where Renee and Allison were talking with a concerned expression.

**“** New employee,” Jean answered dryly.

**“** You know, I feel like I shouldn't be surprised but somehow I still am,” Jeremy laughed “Does Renee just adopt people into working for her?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Jean answered, because it was kind of what she had done for him, if he were to simplify the most terrible yet most extraordinary time in his life in such a way.

“I like her,” Jeremy said decisively.

**“** Yeah, me too,” Jean said, it was a relief that Jeremy liked Renee, though he couldn't imagine that anyone wouldn't.

**“** Excuse me everybody,” Renee started, waiting until at least some of the eyes in the room were drawn to her before continuing. “This is Allison. She's going to be working here.”

Allison surveyed the people in the room with a critical eye, arms crossed over her chest.

“You know Jean already, and this is Nicky, our assistant manager, and Kevin and Andrew, our new artists.” Renee told Allison.

**“** If Andrew would ever actually do anything.” Kevin muttered darkly under his breath.

“You're Kevin Day?” Allison said, not really a question, and for the first time since Renee had started talking Kevin and Andrew looked up, Kevin tense and Andrew with wary anger.

“Relax.” Allison said tersely. “You left The Nest, it's big news to the kind of people who care about that sort of thing, and The Nest is probably one of the biggest businesses in the city. I don't care why you're here, It'll probably be good for buisness since it seems that Renee has hired all her customers.”

Kevin stared at Allison with a hunted expression before finally saying “No one can know I'm here.” **“** Whatever, they'll find out eventually,” Allison said, staring at her nails like it didn't really interest her at all. “May as well make it a big announcement, get what you can out of it.”

Kevin was clearly torn, it was etched onto his features like a glowing warning sign, at least to Jean's eyes. He was considering telling them about The Nest, or at least enough of it to get Allison off his back. Kevin looked to Andrew, asking the question silently, but Jean wasn't sure what Andrew's equally silent answer was. Jean stared at Kevin, hoping the intensity of his gaze would get Kevin's attention, it seemed to do the trick and they found themselves staring at each other from opposite sides of the room, Jean's eyes begging  _ “Please don't tell them, not now, not with Jeremy here,or at least leave me out of it, I'm not ready to tell him, he can't know, not yet.”  _ and hoping that Kevin would listen. It was hard to miss the tense atmosphere between them, the room felt thick with it.

**“** I'm not making some big announcement, not right now. If people find out then I'll deal with it when it happens,” Kevin said eventually, measuring his words carefully.

**“** Whatever you say,” Allison looked like she didn't agree with any of that, but she must have felt the shift in atmosphere and changed the subject “So, Renee, what's my job here?”

“Well, all the designs you brought in for your tattoos were amazing, so I kind of think that should be obvious,” Renee said, smiling.

**“** It is, I just wanted to make sure,” Allison replied, smiling back at Renee.

* * *

 

Allison brought with her two piercers, a girl called Dan and Dan's boyfriend Matt. They were nice enough, clearly friendly, and Jean didn't actively dislike them but Andromeda was starting to feel so crowded that he felt a surrounded, unable to move or breathe without a body in his space, constantly on edge at the thought of being watched.

He couldn't handle being crowded and he couldn't handle being alone, and he hated how illogical and inescapable it all was, he felt like he'd left the prison of The Nest only to trade it for the prison of his own mind.

Having Jeremy around to distract him from it all helped, and when Jeremy couldn't be there he threw all his time into making design after design, trying to find something for that one spot in his tattoo sleeves that was still blank.

He couldn't design something good enough, but it wasn't that the designs weren't good but that they weren't  _ right.  _ Jean's arms were covered in things that meant something to him, reminders of the things that kept him going. He didn't know what else he could add to it, and every time he threw another crumpled piece of paper in the bin the only thing that stopped him from punching a wall in frustration was the fact that for a long time he hadn't thought he'd ever even have enough for one tattoo, that for the of his life all he'd be left with was a forced number three on his cheek and nothing to survive for.

Punching a wall was still tempting, he thought, as he balled up the third piece of paper that day.

**“** I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're too good at this not to.” Jeremy said, a parting message as he left for his first day at work.

_ I'm not,  _ Jean thought, doubting his talent for the first time in a long time, but he didn't say that out loud, just wished Jeremy good luck as he walked out the door and then pulled out a fresh piece of paper.

He'd gotten through two more when the ringing above the door caught his attention and he turned to find Neil standing there, last piercing taken out as always. Jean was about to direct him over to Dan or Matt but when Neil walked up to the front desk he slid a piece of paper across it.

Kevin grabbed it first and Jean was tempted to complain because it wasn't as if Kevin could do anything with it. He decided he didn't have the energy to push it though, his head was starting to pound from the stress of failed sketch after sketch and he knew that Kevin must be going insane over the fact he couldn't tattoo anymore, an obsessed man with no outlet.

**“** What is this?” Kevin asked, frowning at the paper in his hands.

**“** It's a design.” Neil said, tone somewhere between confused and sarcastic.

**“** Who did it?” Kevin continued impatiently.

**“** I did?” Neil said, he sounded confused but there was an undercurrent that sounded strangely like panic and he was suddenly poised halfway towards the door.

**“** Kevin, give it here.” Jean bit out, he had no idea what was going on, but he knew that they didn't have the cash to send a customer running.

Kevin shot Jean a scathing look but handed over the paper. Jean stared down at it for a moment but he couldn't really see what would have caught Kevin's attention about it. It was just a pair of wings.

**“** Where do you want it?” Jean asked Neil, ignoring the look he could still feel Kevin shooting both of them.

Once Neil had gestured to his ankle Jean and led him over to one of the chairs and got to work, drowning out the pounding in his head and any thoughts of his frustration, Kevin, the sound of the rain splattering on the windows, focusing on nothing but this.

When he was done Neil handed him what he owed in a pile of small, slightly crumpled notes and made his way to the door without another word, only to find his path blocked by Andrew Minyard.

**“** Get out of my way.” Neil said, hostility dripping from his tone.

**“** Work for us.” Kevin said, leaning against the wall on the other side of the room. Jean had re-learned in the past year that most people would phrase that as a question, but not Kevin.

**“** What? No.” Neil spluttered, but as confused as he seemed to be his answer was no more a question than Kevin's had been.

**“** You have to.”

**“** I don’t have to do anything for you!”

**“** Kevin, what do you think you're doing?” Jean sighed, frustrated.

The urge to punch a wall was back, or maybe just punch someone. He was tired and he was angry and he felt like things were spiraling, slipping from his control.

**“** Look at this.” Kevin says, thrusting the design Neil had brought in into his hands.

**“** What about it?!” Jean demands, frustration turning the words cold.

He still doesn't understand.

**“** It's good, we need him.” Kevin said, he sounded like he thought Jean was an idiot but neither of them cared.

**“** I don't see it.” Jean bit back in the same tone.

**“** It's not perfect, but he has promise. It's more than I can say for some people here.” Kevin said flatly.

“And who's fault is that!” Jean spat.

**“** I don't have time for this.” Kevin said indignantly.

**“** Me neither.” Jean replied disdainfully.

They were talking in hushed whispers, but the heat of anger in their voices made the conversation seem deafening to Jean's aching head, every word echoed in his brain, pounding against his skull. He wanted to punch something, to scream, because he was angry and he was tired and the emotions were intimately familiar but they were the opposite of a comfort, they felt like a trap.

He could have this fight, part of him wanted this fight, he understood it better than he understood himself.

But more than that he wanted to be free of it.

He just wanted to be free.

**“** I'm leaving. Just remember that you're not in charge here, Kevin, I thought that would be something you're used to.” Jean spat out before turning away from him.

He left out the employees only door, having not wanted to try and get Andrew to move himself. The door lead to a dingy, dimly lit alley, the smell of something disgusting assaulted Jean's senses and he couldn't see anything in the dark lane now that they sun had set but he still stayed there for a few moments, careful not to touch anything but his phone as he typed out a text.

**_Hey, Jeremy, I don't know if you're off work yet but if you are do you want to meet me?_ **

His phone was halfway to his pocket when he felt something bash into the side of his face. He noticed himself crashing to the ground before anything else, just managing to avoid cracking his head on the concrete thanks to years of practice. Then he noticed the pain, violent and throbbing as the blood rushed to it, only outdone by the incessant ringing in his ear.

He searched desperately above him, but his vision was blurring and was scrabbling for thoughts in his head just for them to slip away from him like water.

He caught sight of a figure above him, their black clothes melting into the darkness of the alley.  _ Was he in an alley? _

He couldn't make out a face, the features shifted as he tried to make them out. When they finally settled, they settled into a face he knew, the last face he ever wanted to see.

_ Of course it's you, _ part of his mind said, as the other part said,  _ it can't be you, I'm just imagining things, please, anyone but you. _

_ Was what he was seeing even real? _

He tried to say something, anything, he wasn't sure what, but when he opened his mouth to speak he saw movement and then his leg was being crushed under a heavy boot, and the only thing that came out was a broken scream.

The pain didn't stop coming after that, a blow to his stomach, his ribs, his nose, over and over until every part of him was in agony.

_ Fight back _ , a voice in his mind said, it sounded eerily like Renee.  _ Don't fight back, don't move, it's better if you don't fight, it always is,  _ another voice said, louder, this one sounded a lot like himself.

It felt like hours that he just lay there, wherever he was, he wasn't sure he knew, he wasn't sure what he knew now, other than the fact that it hurt.

There was something sharp being plunged into his arm muscle, he knew it should hurt but he wasn't sure he could feel any more pain at this point, he screamed anyway.

Then the blows stopped, Jean could feel the figure above him staring down at him as he gasped for air through gritted teeth, he felt like the figure was smiling, even though he couldn't see it.

**“** R-Riko?” Jean said, he didn't know if his voice was wavering because of pain or fear, maybe it was both.

**“** Not yet.” The figure said, and Jean could hear the smile now.

Then they walked away, leaving Jean lying on the ground, still gasping for breath.

The last thing Jean was aware of before he blacked out was the sound of his phone dinging with one new text message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a terrible person *finger guns*
> 
> Also an important note about Neil's storyline in this fic that I couldn't find a way to work comfortably into the story itself and didn't force myself too because I'm considering writing more in this verse (maybe Renee/Allison's story and/or Andreil's if anoyones interested in those?): He's still a runaway and his backstory remains pretty much intact from canon, but he has no particular connections to Kevin or The Moriyama family, his story is closer to what he originally believed it to be (his father was a mob boss and his mother, for what ever reason, finally had enough and they ran away together) 
> 
> so, yeah, comment if you want to and you already know my tumblr, k cool. I love everyone who's reading this, thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

Jean could hear a voice. Everything was dark, he didn't know why, all he was aware of was that voice. He couldn't make out what it was saying, but it was a nice voice, familiar. He tried to place it, but the first word that came to his mind wasn't a name, it was  _ safety _ .

As the voice seemed to get clearer he started to make out words, mostly his name, though it took him a moment to realize that it was in fact  _ his _ name, followed by a string of  _ “oh my god” _ and frantic cursing.

Jean frowned, or at least he thought he did, he might have just thought about it. He still couldn't figure out who the voice belonged to, but he knew that he didn't like hearing it unhappy.

He opened his eyes.

At first he wondered if he had actually opened his eyes, it was so dark, but after a moment his eyes adjusted and he could see someone leaning over him.

He thought he ought to be scared, but he wasn't, he looked into this person's eyes and he trusted them.

**“** Jeremy?” Jean choked out, his tongue finding the name a second before his brain did.

**“** Jean, oh my god...Jean, are you okay?” Jeremy said, the words coming rapidly.

**“** What? Why wouldn't I be okay?” Jean asked, confused.

**“** Why wouldn't you be okay?! Jesus, Jean! I found you unconscious in an alleyway, you look like hell, there's a knife sticking out of your bicep,” Jeremy yelled, he sounded like he was barely keeping it together.

**“** Oh,” Jean said simply. He glanced down at his bicep and saw a small knife had gone in one side of his flesh and came out the other. He pulled it out, wincing as he dropped it on the ground.

He could feel the pain now, not just where the blade had sliced through his skin, there wasn't an inch of him that didn't hurt, it was agonizing, but after years of practice he knew how to bear it. At least he could say that it grounded him, because he was brought crashing back to reality, his memory of what had happened slotting into place.

Riko...no, not Riko,  _ not yet,  _ that's what the person that did this had said. But that still meant that Riko was still involved in this, he'd found him, found them, found out where Kevin was, and he wasn't going to stop with this, what he'd just had done to Jean wasn't revenge, that was still to come, this was just a message.

**“** Did you just take the knife out? Because I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to do that,” Jeremy said, staring blankly at the dripping knife in Jean's hand.

**“** Don't worry about it,I know I'm not gonna bleed out, trust me,” Jean said.

**“** What do you mean you know? How can you know that for sure?!” Jeremy exclaimed, then sighed “Y'know what, no, whatever it is tell me later. First, I'm taking you to the hospital.”

**“** No!” Jean answered.

“No? No doesn't really seem like an option here, no offence! I found you unconscious in an alleyway, somebody  _ stabbed _ you!” Jeremy asserted “Do you not realize how serious this is or something?”

Jean let out a noise of frustration. He was reminded right there of the difference between them, how different the lives he and Jeremy had lead were, because no this didn't seem serious to him, at least not for the reasons Jeremy thought it should be. It wasn't serious because he was bruised and bleeding, his attack was inconsequential, what made it serious was who had attacked him, or at least who they'd attacked him  _ for _ , and the fact that if he'd found Jean right outside Andromeda then that meant he'd found  _ all of them _ .

**“** I just can't go to the hospital!” Jean tried to explain without explain, he didn't have the time to explain right now “I need to get back inside...I need to warn them.” He left the  _ if it's not too late  _ unspoken.

**“** The shop? Everyone's fine. I knocked on the door before I noticed you were here, Kevin answered and told me you'd left, then he said they were busy and to get lost, essentially,” Jeremy explained shortly.

Jean felt himself calm, but only slightly. His mind was still fuzzy around the edges, but it felt clear as he tried to push himself back to his feet. He needed to check for himself, to see that Jeremy hadn't made some mistake. Once he had an answer, he could work out what to do next.

He locked away any worry in the back of his mind.

Find out what happened.

Find out what to do next.

That was what mattered.

**“** What the hell are you doing?” Jeremy protested. He rushed to Jean's side and threw an arm around Jean to help keep him upright, even though Jean wasn't totally sure it was necessary.

**“** I need to...I need to see that...” Jean trailed off, he was too focused on where he was going to talk.

Jeremy seemed to understand anyway, and his complicated expression softened for a moment.

**“** Jean, they're honestly fine. I promise, okay?” Jeremy said, soft and reassuring although the rigid set of his shoulders and the fire in his eyes told Jean that he was far from reassured himself “Come on, we'll check on them, alright?”

Jean nodded, silently grateful. He allowed Jeremy to help him get to the door of Andromeda, even though he was pretty sure he could have gotten there himself, albeit with some pain, not that that mattered.

Jeremy pushed the door open, when they walked into the shop Jean only had time to notice all the blood draining from Kevin's face before his vision was obscured by Renee rushing to him.

**“** Oh my goodness, what happened?” Renee asked, grabbing Jean's other side and helping Jeremy lower him into a chair.

Their worry stricken faces told him that he probably looked worse than he felt.

**“** Riko,” Jean said, the name still felt heavy on his tongue, like just saying it out loud would suddenly make him appear. “Well, not him personally but...”

Kevin's face paled even more, if that was possible, and Renee's soft smile melted away into something far darker.

Jean subtly looked over to Jeremy. This conversation would mean nothing to him except for whatever he could put together from it, but Jean still watched him for any kind of reaction, not sure exactly what he was hoping for.

The atmosphere in the room was thick and uncomfortable, like they were all waiting for something to happen. Everyone was staring at Jean, though their expressions varied between uncomfortable and in some cases seemingly disinterested.

**“** Dude, you look like you got run over by a sixty two ton truck,” Nicky said pleasantly, though the look on his face was anything but.

**“** This is serious,” Allison snapped. Dan and Matt nodded behind her, both looking sympathetically at Jean's injuries.

**“** Still true,” Nicky shrugged.

**“** Does somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on?” Neil suddenly asked. Jean had barely noticed that he was still standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room.

**“** It's a long story. Right now, I think we should all just focus on making sure Jean's okay, and then we'll deal with this,” Renee said. It was clear that she was trying to appear calm, but Jean could still see the dark look lingering in her eyes.

**“** And if we all die before then?” Nicky asked cheerfully.

The room went quiet again.

In the end, that's what they did, because it was all that they could do. Jean sat long enough to disinfect the wound on his arm and let Renee put a couple of stitches in it, there wasn't much that could be done for his other injuries except watch them bloom into dark purple bruises. When that was done he got up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Kevin said, at the same time that Neil said “Seriously, is anybody going to tell me what the fuck is going on?!”

**“** Have him do it,”  Jean said bluntly, referring to Kevin “And as for where I'm going, I'm just going. I didn't ask for anyone else to get involved in this, that's on you, and so is explaining exactly what they got themselves into.”

“Right, because I'm the only one,” Kevin responded sharply, glancing at Jeremy so quickly that Jean wasn't sure that anyone but him noticed.

He didn't have the energy to see Kevin's point right now.

Outside felt like it had a different air about it than before. It was more real somehow, like any moment he'd lived without pain had just been a dream. The crisp air was a wakeup call, harsh against his injuries.

He kept staring ahead but he could sense when Jeremy came out to stand by him. They didn't look at each other for a moment, both staring up at the inky black sky instead.

“Let's go,” Jeremy said, breaking the spell of silence between them.

“Okay, I'll...see you soon,” Jean replied, and began to turn away.

“Where are you going? I said let's go, as in both us.” Jeremy sighed.

“Both of us? Where?” Jean asked, confused.

“I'm not saying that I doubt your friend’s medical skills,” Jeremy said, in a way that suggested he very much did. “But you may have a concussion or something, you shouldn't be alone tonight.”

“I don't have a concussion.” Jean answered, because he didn't.

“Humor me?” Jeremy asked, shrugging.

Jean was silent, he didn't know what to say, not because he didn't want to but because he was still lost.

“My place? My roommates are out for the night and my cars around the corner, I'll drive.” Jeremy said, struggling for a smile.

Jean nodded.

* * *

Jean paused in the doorway to Jeremy’s apartment, resisting the urge to look around in awe. It wasn’t that the apartment was particularly impressive, though it was certainly nicer than his own, it was on the quiet outskirts of the city rather than smack bang in the middle like Jean’s own, and at least twice the size with huge windows, it felt warm and lived in with soft, old looking furniture and just the right amount of clutter, but what really made him pause was the fact that it was  _ Jeremy’s.  _ He couldn’t describe why, but there was just something surreal and amazing about standing in the space where Jeremy lived, it made life feel real and permanent again.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Jeremy asked tiredly. 

Jean flinched slightly without meaning to.   
“What did you want to talk about?” Jean asked, even though he knew. He took the last few steps into the apartment and tried to pretend that he wasn’t considering walking the other way.

“How about me finding you unconscious in an alleyway? And the fact that you seem to think that that's no big deal? Or why your co-workers seem to know all about it? How about who Riko is?” Jeremy said, voice strained.

Jean couldn’t hide his flinch that time.

“Look, I’m not trying to push you to talk about it, that’s not what I want, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but...I’d like to know, if you want me to,” Jeremy said, softer now, sadder.

Jean warred with himself. He never  _ wanted _ to talk about what had happened at The Nest, he relived those memories enough that forcing himself to do it out loud felt like too much. But he wanted Jeremy to know, to understand what it meant to be in Jean’s life, and he couldn’t put off telling him forever.

“You’re sure you want to know?” Jean asked, because after this there was no going back for either of them.

“How bad can it be? Were you involved with the mob or something?” Jeremy asked, an attempt at light-heartedness.

“No, I wasn’t involved with the mob.” Jean said,the ghost of a smile appearing on his face only to vanish just as quickly “...I used to work at The Nest, I guess that’s where this story starts, or I guess it starts when my father skipped town while he owed Tetsuji Moriyama money. The Moriyama’s may not be the mob but they’re almost as dangerous. Without my father there to pay them back my entire family would have suffered. A lot of my family weren’t that great, but there was my aunt, and...my little sister...and just...none of them deserved to  _ die _ .” 

Jean paused, in part to see if Jeremy had anything to say and in part to give himself a moment to breathe so that old emotions didn’t take him over. Jeremy didn’t say anything, he just looked at Jean silently, his expression was guarded but something about his eyes helped give Jean the strength to go on.

“I'm not sure if it was my idea, sometimes I think it was, sometimes I think that my mother pushed me to it, I don't know.” Jean sighed “But I went to work for them, I was the payment. I dropped out of school, I cut off all contact with my family and friends and moved into the space below The Nest, I had to, it was in my contract. I was only fourteen, I didn't understand contracts at all, but even then I knew that was...wasn't right. So then that was my life, Tetsuji owns The Nest but it's mostly run by his nephew, Riko, and Riko didn't like me, or maybe he did, I'm not gonna pretend that I know why he did what he did to me, after a while I thought that it must have been my fault, I thought that for a long time, but it wasn't, whatever reason there was, it wasn't because it was my fault.,” Jean stopped himself there, knowing he was getting off topic, letting his emotions get the better of him. “Riko was fanatical, obsessed with perfection, and relished in causing people,  _ me _ ...as much pain as possible.” 

He didn’t go too into detail about the things he’d endured in the nest, just as much he could to make Jeremy understand. Then he talked about Renee helping him get out, a miracle considering how closely they were watched and the fact that he was down the hole of Riko’s brainwashing. He talked about Kevin, how he was essentially Riko’s brother  _ and _ his victim, how he got out but Riko would never let him go, how they were all in danger because of that violent possessiveness.

Jean had turned away from Jeremy at some point without realising, without really wanting to, he had wanted to hold eye contact, a comfort, a challenge. He turned back now, and was greeted by Jeremy with his jaw clenched and tears in his eyes.

“Jean, I’m...I’m so sorry,” Jeremy said, he sounded like he’d just been punched in the chest.   
  
“Do you have any more questions?” Jean asked, deadpan. He didn’t know how else to handle this.   
  
He didn’t know what to expect, maybe questions about his family, details on the endless torture, of how exactly he’d been broken and forced to keep working everyday like he hadn’t. Maybe why he hadn’t left sooner, why he didn’t leave again now, if he was even telling the truth- 

“Just one-” Jeremy said softly “Are you okay?”

It wasn't what he'd been expecting, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“I think so?” Jean said, there were still waves of pain coursing through his body and his heart felt heavy from the things he'd confessed, but he could think, he could breathe, he was surviving “I”m okay.” He added, with much more certainty.

“Good.” Jeremy said with a watery smile.

“Is that really all you're going to ask?” Jean asked, stunned.

“Yeah, right now all I care about is if you're okay.” Jeremy said, quietly, as if he was admitting something secret and close to his heart.

“Don't you want out? You can leave, it's okay, I know none of this is what you signed up for.” Jean said.

“What I want is this-” Jeremy moved towards Jean slowly, until he was right in front of him, looking at him so intensely that Jean felt like every part of him was burning. He didn't realize what was happening until Jeremy leant in, pausing a couple of inches away from Jean's face, giving him the decision of whether to lean into what he was offering or pull away.

Jean moved forward before he could think about it, their lips met and  _ oh _ .

If standing in the doorway to Jeremy's apartment had made him feel real and permanent then kissing him made him feel alive and immortal.

The kiss lasted forever, it ended far too soon.

“What I want is you.” Jeremy breathed, they weren't kissing anymore but they were so close that they may as well of been “If you’ll have me, that is.”

Jean never really focused on figuring out what he wanted, but he hardly had to think to know he wanted this, now that he knew the option was there it seemed so obvious that he couldn't believe he hadn't realised it before.

He kissed Jeremy again. 

“I’m hoping that was a yes?” Jeremy laughed slightly as they pulled apart.Jean was used to seeing him smile but never quite this brightly.

“You’re an idiot.” Jean said, he was trying for deadpan but Jeremy’s happiness was infectious.  They ended up on the sofa, kissing, talking. Jeremy lightly trailed his fingers down Jean’s arms and asked about every tattoo, kissing each one gently after Jean told him when he’d got it and what it meant to him. They eventually fell asleep like that.    
  
For the first time in weeks Jean didn’t have any nightmares. 

* * *

 

Jean woke up to the sound of a door slamming and surged upright in panic before remembering where he was. He was with Jeremy, they had  _ kissed,  _ and he was safe.   
When he looked to see what the noise had been he found himself looking at two women staring down at him. 

“Hi,” One of them said. 

“I don’t know what's going on and I don’t want to,” The other said, swiftly turning away and disappearing into another room.    


Jean stared at the girl who was left blankly. 

“Hi,” She said again “I’m Laila, and that was my girlfriend-” She turned towards the door her girlfriend had went in “A total bitch!” She yelled, but it sounded good-natured.

“He can call me Alvarez,” The other girl yelled back.

“Oh my god,” Jeremy mumbled from behind him.

“Morning, sunshine,” Alvarez said, gently mocking as she came back into the room with a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.

“If you’re going to make fun of me could you at least make  _ me _ coffee?” Jeremy said lightly. 

“It’s in the pot, get it yourself,” Alvarez replied.    
  
“Awww, I knew you had a heart,” Jeremy said, dramatically clutching his own chest.    
  
“It just shows very rarely,” Laila teased.   
  
Alvarez swore at both of them.    
  
“Hey,” Jeremy said, finally sitting up and looking straight at Jean “You sleep okay?” 

“...Yeah,” Jean said. “You?”    
  
“Great.” Jean said, smiling “coffee?”    
  
“This is disgusting,” Alvarez said, smirking at them.   
  
“Disgustingly cute,” Laila countered. 

“You two can shut up,” Jeremy said, throwing a pillow at his roommates before turning back to Jean “I’ll get you coffee, and I’m so, so sorry for leaving you alone with them until I get back.” 

“I think I’ll survive,” Jean said, smirking slightly.   
  
“That’s what I thought at first too,” Jeremy chuckled, then got up and headed towards what Jean presumed was the kitchen. The second he was out of sight Laila and Alvarez dropped on to the sofa either side of Jean.

“Soooo…” Laila said, smiling at him.   
  
“...So?” Jean raised an eyebrow. 

“So how come you’re asleep on our sofa?” Laila said cheerily.    
  
“Did you fuck Jeremy on our sofa?” Alvarez added derisively.    
  
“You don’t have to answer that...though I do kind of hope you didn’t, at least not on the sofa,” Laila said “You’re Jean, right? Jeremy talks about you like all the time.” She smirked. 

“Really?” Jean asked blankly.

“ I guarantee that whatever they’re telling you about me is a lie,” Jeremy said as he appeared back in the doorway “And you should believe me, if only because I brought you coffee.” He placed a cup in front of Jean and nudged Alvarez up onto the armrest so he could sit next to Jean again.  

“What happened to your face? Are you okay?” Alvarez asked Jean suddenly. He’d almost forgotten about his injuries, they still hurt like hell, but he was good at ignoring pain. 

“What happened to yours?” Jeremy asked her sarcastically, saving Jean from having to answer.

They fell into easier conversation after that, Laila and Alvarez continued to affectionately mock each other, and sometimes just turned outright affectionate, Laila enthusiastically talked to Jean about tattooing and he found himself answering her with enthusiasm of his own and Jeremy seemed content to simply watch Jean and slip in and out of the conversation until both him and Jean realised that they should be getting ready for work.

“I’ll walk you out,”  Jeremy smiled at him once they'd both gotten ready, Jean had stolen a shower and some of Jeremy's clothes.

“Sure,” Jean replied.

Once they were outside Jeremy turned to him again “Are you sure? I mean, about going to work today? Is there nothing we can do to stop what this guy is doing?”

“It's not that simple.” Jean sighed.

“He's trying to hurt you guys! He already hurt  _ you, _ can't we tell the police or something?” Jeremy said, voice strained.

Jean shook his head “The Moriyama’s know what they're doing, they'll never get caught.”

Jeremy looked like he was ready to punch a wall, but instead he just sighed in a resigned way.

“Just….stay safe, come back to me,” Jeremy said softly.

He was staring straight into Jean’s eyes so gently that Jean felt his heart melt. He almost didn’t want to go into work, and it was painful to think that the place that used to mean some degree of safety and hope to him now simply felt like another place, a place that wasn’t safe and was reminding him of that fact more and more.

He felt a lot safer with Jeremy looking into his eyes like that.

But he couldn’t just get up and leave, not right now. He couldn’t leave Renee to handle this alone, he loved her too much for that, he owed her too much for that. Perhaps he even owed Kevin too much for that, though everything with Kevin was far more complicated. He’d stuck out years in The Nest, he could handle it for a bit longer, even if there was no end in sight right now.

“I promise,” Jean whispered back.   
  
Jeremy was silent for a moment, seemingly considering something, but in the end all he said was “Pinky promise?” with a smile in his eyes.   
  
“Pinky promise? Really?” Jean sighed, because Jeremy was ridiculous, but he grabbed Jeremy’s pinky with his own anyway and pinky promised anyway because he was as cute as he was ridiculous. 

 

And then they kissed again until they were almost breathless.   
  
“We’re going to be late.” Jean said as they pulled away. 

“Worth it.” Jeremy said, shrugging innocently.

* * *

  
Jean was late, only by ten minutes, but apparently a lot could happen in ten minutes, because standing in the middle of the shop was Riko Moriyama. 

Jean’s brain stopped, his blood ran cold, the only thing that stopped him from having a panic attack was survival instinct and the fact that he could still hear remember the first time he’d had one in Riko’s presence, the echoing cruel laughter and the extra agony he’d inflicted as he’d tried to draw it out.

All eyes in the room had been staring at Riko, but when Jean walked they almost all turned to him, drawn by movement. The only eyes that didn’t move away were Kevin’s, blown wide in fear, Andrew’s, narrowed in anger as he stood in front of Kevin like a guard, and for some reason, Neil’s.

The problem with catching almost everyone's attention was it meant he captured Riko’s as well.

“Moreau?” Riko said, when he turned to face Jean his smile was smug and his eyes glinted with cruelty. He looked the same as he always had, bar a few new trash polka style tattoos on his arms. “What are you doing here? Oh, that’s right, harbouring another failure like yourself,” He said, eyes flicking back to Kevin for a moment.    
  
Jean wanted to say that neither of them were failures, but he was too scared to say anything and some part of him was scared that Riko was right. He just stood there, feet glued to the ground, lips glued shut, eyes glued to Riko’s face, wishing he could say something, wishing he was somewhere else, wishing he was still with Jeremy.   
  
“What happened to your face, number three?” Riko asked suddenly, angrily. Jean would presume he was asking about the bruises but the fact that he was the one responsible for them and the way he’d invaded Jean’s space to roughly scrape his thumb across the bird tattoo on Jean’s cheekbone, Jean shook violently at the touch but still couldn’t move.

_ It’s not a number three anymore, i’m not number three anymore, I’m not yours anymore.  _ That’s what he thought to himself, over and over, but he couldn’t say it.

  
“Never mind, perhaps I’ll make you pay for your mistakes later, right now I have someone of slightly more importance to deal with.” Riko withdrew his hand from Jean’s cheek and turned back to where Kevin was standing “Kevin-”   
  
Kevin looked to the floor. He was cradling his bad arm, probably subconsciously. 

“What did you think you were doing?” Riko continued “Do you really think you can just get up and leave like that?” 

Even in this foreign environment, without his family or his employees at his back, Riko still somehow held all the power in the room. The silence he’d brought with him was deafening, but then, it shattered. 

“Maybe,” Neil said out of nowhere  _ “ _ he was thinking that  _ “hey, this dude just broke my arm, what an asshole.”  _ Neil’s voice was flippant, but the way he stared at Riko was defiant.

Jean was too busy thinking that Neil was an idiot to consider admiring his bravery.   
  
“And what would you know about it?” Riko sneered. 

“Oh, not much, just what I’ve been told.” Neil  continued “which is that you’re an asshole, though admittedly it was in a few more words than that, I think things like “pathetic”, and “never going to really be the best” were in there too.”

Riko’s fury was palpable, Jean could practically feel old injuries ghost his skin. Riko angry meant somebody got hurt, a lot of the time that somebody used to be him, he didn’t want it to be him again, but he didn’t want it to be anybody else either.

If Riko didn’t kill Neil, Jean just might. 

“That’s enough!” Dan exclaimed “We’re all adults, can’t we handle this better?” 

“You’re not in charge her,.” Riko said.

“No, but I am,” Renee said smoothly “and I hate to be rude but I think she has a point.”    
  
“I won’t just leave..This won’t be over until it’s over,” Riko replied, but he started walking towards the door, everyone held their breath until he was out of sight.

Then the room descended into so much chaos that Jean could barely work out who was yelling at who or what exactly they were saying. It was all just noise, loud and impossible to ignore but in the end meaningless.

Jean just stood there until Renee, Allison, Dan, and Matt managed to defuse the fight before it got physical. Then they got back to work,mostly in silence,half the room only communicating in glares when they needed something or just outright not doing anything.

It was frustrating, but Renee’s pointed look told him clearly not to re-ignite the argument. He settled for working, working, working instead. In a strange turn of events they actually had enough customers to keep them busy. Jean was doing tattoo after tattoo of easy work, things like roses, flocks of silhouette birds and sentimental anniversaries, but even if it wasn’t hard it was better than having to think, than to have nothing to do with his mind and his hands all day, left to think about the day's earlier events.  

By the time work was over the mood in the shop hadn’t improved, but at least everyone mostly seemed too tired to fight anymore. They started to go their separate ways, and Jean collected his stuff on auto-pilot, not really thinking about where he was going to go until his phone buzzed in his pocket. 

**_Hey, want to come over?_ **

It was from Jeremy, and Jean very much did want to. But after spending all of last night with Jeremy he also needed to go home and have a proper shower and get his own clothes, not that he didn’t like wearing Jeremy’s.

**_Later tonight?_ **

**_Okay._ **

Jean went to ring the buzzer for Jeremy’s apartment before realising that the buildings door had been left open so he let himself in and walked up the stairs until he reached Jeremy’s door. When he knocked on the door Laila was the one who answered.   
  
“You are not Jeremy,” She said blankly, narrowing her eyes.   
  
“No, I’m not,” Jean replied, confused “I’m Jean, we met this morning?” He added, though he wasn’t sure how she could have forgotten him already.

“No, no, I know, sorry,” She said awkwardly. “It’s nice to see you again, hey! You can come in but...Jeremy’s not here.” 

It took Jean a moment to process what she’d said, she was talking so fast, but when he did he was even more confused.

“What?” He said, he knew he probably sounded stupid,   
  
“Yeah, he was supposed to be back hours ago, obviously, but I haven’t seen him since this morning,” She shrugged and led him into the apartment.    
  
It looked exactly the same as he’d left it this morning, except Jeremy was nowhere in sight.    
  
He was more than confused now, he was panicked. 

“But he text me asking me to meet him here.” Jean said, more to himself than to Laila. He pulled out his phone to double check the message, thinking that maybe he’d got it wrong, but it said exactly what he’d thought it did.

“Well, he’s not here.,” Laila sighed “When I tried texting him I got no response.”

This definitely didn’t feel right, Jean tried not to overreact but he felt like his head was spinning. 

**_Where are you?_ ** Jean text Jeremy’s number again. 

It felt like time stretched on for years before he got a response, and when he did he wished that time could have stretched on a little longer.

**_You took something from me, so I took something from you- Riko._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wait, now I'm a terrible person *more finger guns*
> 
> Also I overuse cliffhangers and I'm sorry
> 
> Also Also, if you can't tell by the conversation Jean and Jeremy had, the Moriyama's are not involved with the yakuza/mafia in this au...they're just assholes.


	5. Chapter 5

The world fell away from under him. He stared at the phone screen, begging for it to say something different, but even as his eyes burned the words stayed the same. He knew absently that Laila was staring at him oddly, he wondered what she could see, what he was feeling was too much to show on his face.   
  
Jeremy was gone. 

Jeremy was with Riko.

It was all Jean’s fault.

He was gone and it was all Jean’s fault.

Jean wanted to die.

His phone buzzing again was the only thing that  managed to drag him away from his thoughts that were quickly spiralling downwards.

**_If you ever want to see him again, make sure Kevin comes back here._ **

“Jean...are you okay?” Laila asked, she was right next to him now, though he’d been too busy staring at his phone to notice her move, she sounded worried, but unsurprisingly nowhere near as worried as he felt.

She didn’t know...what was he supposed to tell her? He didn’t want to tell her anything, how was he supposed to tell her that thanks to him her friend was being held hostage. He tried to open his mouth to make _something_ come out but it felt impossible, it was all impossible.

Jean just wanted to tell her that it was all fine, that Jeremy would be home soon and she didn't have to worry about either of them, but right now he couldn't imagine the guilt of lying to her on top of everything, especially if he was wrong, because what if they never got Jeremy back...what if... _fuck_ , he couldn't think about that.

“Jean, breathe, for god's sake,” Laila said, panicking, she moved to put her hand on his back before seemingly thinking better of it and letting it fall to her side again. Jean wasn't even aware that he'd been struggling until she pointed it out, neither had he noticed that he’d fallen to his knees.

“Jeremy...Jeremy's gone, I'm sorry-I-” Jean said, but he wasn't sure he was making any sense. 

“What do you mean...gone?” Laila asked hesitantly. Her face was frozen as she waited for Jean to answer her, trying to process it, or maybe refusing to.

He passed the phone to her reluctantly, but when she took it he felt like a small weight had been lifted, who knew a phone could be so heavy. He looked to the floor instead of at her, it was all he could really handle looking at. 

“What the hell is this?” Laila asked bluntly.  
  
Jean explained everything as well as he could. Before he’d started he’d thought that maybe it would be easier to talk about now that he’d explained it to Jeremy just the night before, but now he had the shattering hurt of that memory and even worse, fact that Jeremy was gone too.

_Why did this have to be taken away from him too?_

_The last person who deserved to get hurt in any of this was Jeremy._

“Oh...wow,” Laila whispered, voice cracking miserably. Jean was expecting her to break down, or preferably, lash out at him, but she just took a deep breath and then said “right, we need to think about this.”

“What,” Jean said, too stunned to make it sound like a question.

“How did this happen, and how can we fix it.” Laila said, as if it were that simple, it wasn’t, but it was a start and Jean needed something to focus on if he was going to be of any use to anyone, including himself.

_How did this happen?_

Now that Jean thought about it he didn’t know. How did Riko even know about Jeremy? Jeremy hadn’t even known about Riko until yesterday, and they’d never met, it made no sense...unless…

“I think I might know how,” Jean breathed, hoping he was wrong. “I- I don’t know for certain though.”

“Maybe you could find out?” Laila said. Jean didn’t understand what she meant until she offered his phone back to him.

It hadn’t occurred to him to actually text the number back, questioning Riko’s actions was something that had been beaten out of him long ago. But Jeremy was more important than his fear, he was more important than anything right now.

His hands shook, but he managed to type out a message.

**_How did you take him?_ **

He wasn’t sure if he was expecting a reply, but he got one, apparently Riko thought there was no harm in bragging right now.

**_You should really be more careful to make sure you aren’t being watched, you never were too smart, were you?_ **

Sometimes, being right felt awful. Whoever had beat him up must have stayed behind and watched him, or it would make sense if someone else had been there too. Whoever had been there, they had seen Jeremy find him and drive him home, they'd probably followed them there...it really was Jean’s fault that they knew about Jeremy.

He said as much to Laila.

“Blaming yourself will get us nowhere, okay?” Laila said firmly “You’re upset and I’m here for you, but now is not the time. Now is the time to figure out how the hell we’re going to get Jeremy back, because we _are_ going to get him back.”

Laila was right. Well, she was right about what they needed to do, he could only hope she was right about what they were going to do.

Laila made them both some tea and they sat at the kitchen counter throwing ideas back and forth for the better part of an hour. When Alvarez got back from the gym Laila filled her in on what had happened, and after she’d destroyed a few plates she joined them until Laila fell asleep mid-sentence on the counter as the sun was rising.

He wanted to keep working, he didn’t think he could sleep until Jeremy was back with him, but Alvarez gathered some blankets from the closet and practically manhandled him over to the sofa while telling him that he’s no good to them tired and stupid.

He didn’t sleep. He doubted that Laila and Alvarez were sleeping very well either. He curled himself up in the corner of the sofa and stared mindlessly at the wall until he heard his phone ring and he forced himself back into reality.

“Hello,” Jean said into the phone, the only reason he didn’t answer with “what the fuck.” about receiving a call this early in the morning (especially _this_ morning) being that he didn’t have the energy to get so many words out, but he was pretty sure it came across in his tone.

“Meet me at the shop. Now,” Kevin's voice barked down the phone.

Jean really wasn’t in the mood for this.

Apparently Kevin wasn’t in the mood for Jean’s stony silence on the other end of the line either.

“Now,” He repeated.

The only reason Jean didn’t explode and let all his anger out at Kevin right then is that Renee’s much more friendly voice takes over, having seemingly stolen the phone out of Kevin’s hand.

“What Kevin is trying to say,” Renee took over (he was pretty sure he heard Allison mutter “if he would actually use his human being words” in the background) “Is that we have a sort of...emergency.” Jean could hear the carefully restrained tension in her voice.

All he could think was _“I have an emergency of my own here.”_ and he was sure that _Jeremy_ was more important than whatever the hell was going on at work but he could hear that Renee was panicking a little even if she was trying not to, and god damn it, he tried to be a good friend.

“What happened?” He asked.

“It seems,” she took a deep breath “that The Nest has Neil.”

Jean really wasn’t sure how to react. This was...weird. Why would The Nest take Neil and Jeremy, of all people…

He let himself get lost in his train of thought as he quietly replied _“They took Jeremy too.”_ and just like last night with Laila the only thing that stopped the suffocating panic and heartbreak was the fact that he had something to focus on, figuring out what the hell what was going and how to get Jeremy back.

“Oh, Jean, I’m-” Renee started, and the pity in her voice threatened to crush him “- I’m so sorry. I know it’s your day off but if you come in today then maybe we can...we can think of something.”

Renee Walker’s optimism would be the death of him if it wasn’t exactly what he needed.

Jean heard shuffling from the other room and Laila and Alvarez’s hushed voices and made a split second decision.

“Can I bring some friends?” He asked.

* * *

 

When he’d asked Laila and Alvarez to go with him he’d gotten two immediate albeit unsure yes’s so they’d made their way down to Andromeda together.

They pushed the door open and walked in, greeted by a group of people yelling over each other yet clearly making no attempt to listen to anyone but themselves. They only shut up when the door slammed behind Jean and then they settled for glaring daggers across the room.

Renee smiled sheepishly at him “We really are trying to work something out.”

Laila and Alvarez exchanged a look that seemed to sarcastically say _“Yeah, looks like it.”_

Jean wasn’t going to mention that this was possibly as good as it gets.

Renee’s eyebrows raised slightly when she spotted Laila and Alvarez but she was nothing but polite as she welcomed them.

No one else was quite as polite, but in the moment it didn’t really matter.

“So, does anyone have any ideas?” Kevin asked bitterly, clearly not expecting a response.

Jean did, he had spent all night and the walk over here piecing things together in his mind. But first, he had questions.

“Why Neil?” He spoke up.

Everyone looked around uncomfortably for a moment until Kevin fished his phone out of his pocket and threw it at Jean.

“Read the last text,” Kevin sighed, looking away from him.

Jean messed around with the phone until he figured out how to get to Kevin’s messages and read the last one received.

**_If you want your pet project to ever amount to anything but dead, come back._ **

The text didn’t tell him much that he didn’t already know, except one thing. It told him what this was to Riko, what _Jeremy_ was to Riko, a fucking _backup plan_. One of the most important people in Jean’s life and he had been kidnapped as a backup plan in case Kevin Day wasn’t willing to save some kid. Jean was going to be sick.

Everything was always about Kevin, so why the fuck did it keep coming down on him.

He wanted to kill Kevin, he literally wanted to murder him because why did all this have to happen, he’d been happy...had he been happy? He thought back to Jeremy’s blindingly bright smile, the carefree excitement he only felt when they spent time together, the way Jeremy had kissed him like he was everything he wanted...yeah, he’d been happy.

Not better, or fixed, but so, so, happy, and that was enough, it was so much more than he’d ever expected.

He looked at Kevin, ready to scream at him, hit him, do something about the rage and hatred bubbling up inside him, and then he saw Kevin’s face and all that anger was just...gone, disappeared. Kevin Day looked impossibly miserable. It wasn’t obvious, and yet it was. It was in the way his shoulders were heaving, concealed just enough to not be noticeable if you weren’t really looking. It was in the way his eyes were slightly wider and his mouth turned down just a little at the corners. Suddenly Jean realized just how often he’d seen this look on Kevin’s face.

Kevin was miserable.

And this wasn’t situation wasn't Kevin’s fault.

It had never been his fault.

It was Riko’s fault. Riko, who had ruined both their lives, who was still trying to ruin both their lives.

Had Kevin ever been happy?

Jean didn’t know, but in that moment he decided that he deserved to be, they both did.

He took a deep breath, laid a hand that he hoped was comforting on Kevin’s shoulder (ignoring Andrew’s violent look in his direction), and said “We need a plan.”

* * *

 

He’d thought that spinning a plan together would be difficult. He’d already had ideas, but he hadn’t expected anyone to actually listen. But surprisingly (after a little bit of arguing, because god forbid it was too simple) they did. They listened, they had their own ideas, filling in the gaps and flaws in what he’d said.

A plan was actually coming together, and Jean felt like he could breathe, as long as he didn’t think about what might be happening back at The Nest.

What was happening to Jeremy?

Even what was happening to Neil, though it surprised him that he cared, even just a little.

Right now, there was just one flaw in their plan.

To everyone's surprise, Andrew was the one to fix that.

Then, after a few hours, a little screaming, and a lot of stress, they had a fully-formed plan. It was ridiculous, and dangerous, and maybe they’d die, but it was all they had.

Jean had spent a long time wanting to die, and it was only then that it hit him that he didn’t want to anymore.

He was willing to die for Jeremy, if that’s what it came to.

But more than that he was willing to live for him.

Him, and Renee, and Laila and Alvarez because he barely knew them but he’d like to, and maybe he was even willing to live for the people in this room, even Kevin fucking Day.

He wanted to live, and he’d hated that he’d just realized that when he may be about to die, but it was so refreshing that he didn’t care.

* * *

 

The plan started with a text message.

Next, there was a car (Jean didn’t want to know where they’d gotten a car from, but Renee had assured him that it was Allison’s anyway, and the fact that it was pink was enough proof in her favor.) and then Jean was headed somewhere that he’d never wanted to be near again.

The Nest. He was going back to The Nest, with Kevin by his side in the driver’s seat.

His stomach felt like it was going to fall through the ground and he knew that if you looked at him right now he probably looked scared to death, but he was going back, and through the fear he reminded himself that it was for Jeremy, and somewhere inside he guessed that was brave, though he wasn’t sure he believed that, he wasn’t sure that he’d ever been brave in his life, maybe he was just stupid ( _stupidly in love_ , his brain provided, but even though it felt true he pushed it away because whatever he had with Jeremy was too new for words like love, words he barely understood) but whether it was brave, or stupid, or both, it was happening and Jean was more okay with that than he ever thought he would be.

They pulled up outside and The Nest looked the same as it always had. Taller than one shop should feasibly be, sleek black walls, a sloping black room and a sign above the window (Jean knew that the main shop was the only part of the entire building that had windows, and even then they were small and barely let any light in) with the symbol of a raven and “The Nest” written in dark red letters.

Jeremy was in there, and Jean wasn’t sure if that made the building more imposing or less.

He looked at Kevin, Kevin looked at him. Jean couldn’t pinpoint exactly what their gazes said, but he knew that it was a lot, and perhaps something they’d both been waiting to hear.

They turned and walked towards the door.

They didn’t have to push the door open, or even knock, as soon as they were close the door opened to reveal Riko on the other side.

Riko was shorter than both of them, even standing on the small step outside the door, but somehow it always felt like he was looking down at them. That’s how it felt now, and even after so long it could still send a jolt of fear down his spine.

Jeremy, he was doing this for Jeremy, he had to remember that.

“I was so glad to receive your message,” Riko said, unsurprisingly he sounded more smug than genuinely happy “It’s so good that the two of you finally saw sense.”

“Where are they?” Kevin asked, quiet but surprisingly strong.

“Hmm? Oh, of course,” Riko laughed, sharp and hollow “Your...friends. I’m a man of my word, those people are inside and in one piece, come inside and I’ll let them go.”

So simple, so chillingly terrifying. Jean felt like he was selling his soul...maybe he was.

They stepped inside and the door slamming shut behind them felt like a death sentence.

Jean and Kevin were lead down a suffocatingly dark hallway, the pitch black walls making it seem narrower than it really was. The hallway then let out into the main shop, huge, especially in comparison to Andromeda, but still dark and unfriendly. None of the employees looked in their direction, focusing instead solely on what they were doing, but it had to be an order rather than genuine disinterest because there was no one working in The Nest who wouldn’t be interested in Kevin Day’s return.

It took Jean a moment to realize where they were going, a year of distance making his memory hazy even though the place haunted his dreams. He finally figured it out when he saw the door, an office, one that technically belonged to Riko’s uncle but was more frequently inhabited by the boy himself. It was the exact same room in which Jean had first gone when he’d walked into The Nest, handing himself over for his father's mistakes.

The door shut behind them and Riko gestured for them to sit down, and as Jean took a seat he reminded himself that he’s not that kid who didn’t know what he was getting himself into, and even though he couldn’t look Riko in the eyes he felt like he could do this. 

“So, Moreau, your text said that you would bring Kevin to me and I see that you succeeded, well done,” Riko said, and Jean felt a little disgusted at himself at the fact that the praise felt _good_ “but how did you do it?”

Jean paused. He’d known that this line of questioning would probably come up, they’d worked out how to answer it, but it was still intimidating, lying straight to Riko’s face wasn’t something he could ever remember doing.

“I didn’t have to do much, Kevin has realized where he belongs,” Jean said eventually.

Riko smiled, slow and arrogant “Is that true, Kevin?”

“Yes,” Kevin answered, he was staring at his lap but his voice sounded shockingly sure.

“It’s so good to see that you’ve finally seen sense,” Riko replied. He opened the drawer behind the desk and pulled out a piece of paper, then slid it across the desk in Kevin’s direction “I never did terminate your contract, but this new one has some...let’s say...revisions. Sign it, and I’ll set your friends free.”

“Let them go first,” Jean said, then winced internally, worried that he’d reacted too fast.

Riko’s expression turned dark, the same look he’d always get when he’d punish Jean for not doing as he said, or not doing well enough, or existing.

“I’ll sign it, we just want to make sure they’re safe...please,” Kevin spoke up.

“Fine,” Riko said after an intense moment of silence “follow me.”

Riko lead them out of the room and down another corridor that ended in a single doorway, and this time Jean didn’t need even a second to figure out where they were going. That doorway lead to The Nest’s living quarters, much better described as a basement, albeit a huge one with multiple rooms, but it was still below ground.

They descended the stairs and Jean didn’t know how he’d thought that the main shop was dark, because down here was true darkness. He’d forgotten how absolutely crushing it felt down here, like he was underwater and all the air was being pulled from his lungs.

“I’m afraid I had to separate them,” Riko said, turning to Kevin “your friend doesn’t seem to know when to keep his mouth shut, so he needed special attention. Moreau, go that way,” he pointed to the left “Kevin, keep following me.”

Jean walked the way that Riko had pointed alone with his heart hammering in his chest. He almost didn’t want to know what he’d find when he reached his destination. His mind thought back to every single thing Riko had put him through and even the thought of one of those things happening to Jeremy made him sick to his stomach. Sure, he’d been promised that Jeremy was in one piece, but he knew from experience that in one piece physically didn’t mean in one piece mentally.

But when he got to the large, open room and saw Jeremy there he couldn’t think anymore. His brain was nothing but a loop of _Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy_ as he stood frozen in the doorway.

“Jean?” Jeremy choked out.

Jean finally moved then, sprinting over to Jeremy at the sound of his voice. Jeremy was handcuffed to a chair in the middle of the room. He had a black eye and bruises in the shape of fingers around his throat, and Jean was pretty sure that was dried blood on his shirt though he couldn’t tell where it had come from. That was all the damage that Jean could see, and it was better than he’d expected but it still hurt to look at.

“Are you hurt? Jeremy, look at me, did he-did anyone-hurt you anywhere else?” Jean demanded, staring into Jeremy’s eyes as he crouched in front of him.

“I’m okay,” Jeremy said, his voice still sounded rough, probably due to the bruises on his neck “Jean, what are you doing here? You- you shouldn’t be here.”

“Yes, I should be here. I promised I’d come back to you.” Jean said, hoping his tone left no room for arguments. “I’m gonna get you home, okay?”

“Okay,” Jeremy nodded softly, sounding more vulnerable than Jean had ever heard him “I’d really, _really_ , like to get out of here.”

Jean scanned the room, grateful to see a pair of keys sitting on a lone table on the other side of the room. He made quick work of getting the cuffs off and then checked Jeremy’s wrists, a little cut up but not likely to scar, not like his own.

Jeremy smiled at him then, and it was a little less bright and a little less sincere but despite the fact it was still dark Jean felt like he was looking directly into the light.

“Let’s go, I’ll explain everything later, I promise. For now, please just go along with what I say or do, is that okay?” Jean asked.

Jeremy nodded, and then Jean hauled one of Jeremy’s arms over his shoulder to support his weight and they walked back out into the hall together.

Jean had almost forgotten that he’d come here with Kevin, but he was reminded when he saw him heading towards them, Riko behind him and a very, very injured Neil at his side. Jean couldn’t make out Neil’s injuries between the dark and the distance, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Jean half carried Jeremy up the stairs, Kevin following with Neil behind him (Jean was pretty sure that Neil needed to be carried too, but neither Kevin nor Neil seemed willing to give in to that fact) all of them all too aware of the fact that Riko was still with them.

They were barely a few steps into the hallway when Riko grabbed Kevin’s arm, too rough considering his cast was only recently off, dragging them to a halt.

“The contract. Sign it.” Riko said firmly.

“They’re not even outside yet,” Kevin protested weakly.

“Jean can get them out as soon as I’m sure that _you’re_ not going anywhere,” Riko said coolly, but the harsh edge in his voice showed that he was only moments away from exploding in anger.

Kevin’s eyes were wide in panic and the silence was thick and heavy, it didn’t even sound like anyone was breathing, maybe they weren’t, it wouldn’t surprise him.

Jean looked down at his watch, the plan was running five minutes late, and they were running out of time.

Then everything happened at once.

The plan had been this: get into The Nest, and get Jeremy and Neil out of it. The more complicated part was getting Jean and Kevin back out as well, and making sure that Riko never bothered them again, this had been sorted out by Renee placing a call, and Stephanie Walker using any and all influence she had to contact the police, as well as the local government and anyone else who could help them. The most complicated part had been getting into The Nest in the first place, not because they couldn’t think of a way but because Kevin had absolutely refused to be bait until Andrew had dragged him off for a quiet but most likely threatening talk (Jean didn’t know why he’d done it when he was supposed to be protecting Kevin, but he was grateful he had)

At the same time that Jean had looked down at his watch there’d been a knock at the door, eventually opened to reveal two police officers with Stephanie Walker between them. Everything after that had been a blur, as if time had both slowed down and was going too fast to process. There was a lot of talking, though Jean made sense of almost none of it, and then He, Kevin, Neil and Jeremy were being escorted outside. The only snippet of conversation he made out was Riko yelling after Kevin.

“I thought you knew where you belonged,” Riko yelled.  
  
“I do,” Kevin had said quietly.   
  
“And guess what, that’s nowhere near you,” Neil had added on.

And then they were outside, and Jean had Jeremy still clinging to him and he could make out Laila, Alvarez and the employees of Andromeda waiting behind the police escort.  
  
“Is it over?” Jeremy asked him.   
  
“Yeah...yeah, it is,” Jean breathed, still struggling to believe it.   
  
It was over.   
  
“And are we okay?” Jeremy asked him, softer now.   
  
“Yes, we’re okay,” Jean replied “God, I was so worried about you.”   
  
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore, I’m okay, I’m with you,” Jeremy said, and then he pulled Jean into a gentle kiss, arms wrapped around each other tightly.   
  
It was over, and something much better was beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter before the epilogue...wow


	6. Chapter 6

Jean walked through the door and placed his coffee in front Laila on the front desk. That morning he’d woken up to a soft light streaming through the curtains after a full night's sleep and he was excited to get to work.

Roughly a year ago, Jean’s boyfriend Jeremy had been kidnapped by the man who had hurt Jean in more ways than he could ever say. That had been the worst moment of Jean’s life, and as he’d held Jeremy in the car on their way back to Andromeda that day, Jean had made a lot of decisions.

Once it had been confirmed that Jeremy would have no lasting injuries except for some scarring (scars that Jeremy insisted made him look badass), Jean had took some time off work to help him recover, and then Jean had quit his job entirely.

It wasn’t that he didn’t love Andromeda, that place had been there for him when he’d had nowhere else to go, and it certainly wasn’t that he didn’t love Renee, but as he’d told her when he’d quit, tears in his eyes, she would always be one of his best friends no matter how far apart they were, and because Renee was wise and impossibly understanding, she’d just nodded and pulled him into a tight hug, and told him that she knew when he had finally said thank you for everything she’d done for him.

He’d quit because he’d realized that no matter how much he’d once loved it, Andromeda wasn’t where he belonged anymore. Renee had a whole host of new employees, the same messed up but loyal people she’d once nicknamed her foxes, and there wasn’t a place there for Jean anymore, not amongst all those people with their issues and the drama they brought. 

But that was okay, because as Renee had found her workers that were quickly becoming a makeshift family if her updates were anything to go by, Jean had found people that he cared about as well.   
  
“You’re chipper this morning,” Laila chuckled.   
  
“Careful, I’m still your boss,” Jean deadpanned.   
  
“We own this place together!” Laila said in mock outrage.   
  
“Maybe, but I’m in charge,” Jean replied.   
  
“If you say so, french boy,” Laila said wryly.   
  
Jean sighed but he could feel a smile tugging at his lips as he got to work, starting his shift for the day.

A few months after Jean had left Andromeda, he and Laila had managed to scrape enough money together (with a little help from a fine of The Nest, it wasn’t an arrest, but it was something) to open up their own tattoo parlour, now named The Trojan Warrior. Laila’s talent was undeniable and she was only improving as the days went by, and between her and Jean they’d managed to get both a decent amount of respect and a decent amount of customers. They’d eventually gotten popular enough that they had to hire more staff, and Jean watched a few of them shuffle around the shop now. There was Costia, a daydreaming girl with paint splattered overalls but incredibly fierce and dedicated once she had a tattoo gun in her hand, Nessa, who was taking their break by half napping on the counter, the dyed blue ends of their hair splayed everywhere, and somehow, impossibly, three different Liam’s with nothing in common except their passion for art. The kids were talented, though not up to the standards he was used to, and even though he pushed them he couldn’t deny that he was a little bit fond of them, not that he’d ever admit it.

“You should be working, not messing around,” Jean told them firmly.   
  
“Yeah, yeah, we know, boss,” One of the Liam’s replied, voice light and teasing.   
  
Jean thought that just maybe some of them didn’t mind him so much either.

He worked non-stop until lunch time, still in love with his job and the feeling it gave him, but when his break came instead of working through it like he’d have been forced to at The Nest or would have chosen to at Andromeda, he slipped on his jacket and told Laila to make sure the building didn’t burn down in his absence, then walked out the door and headed towards the centre of the city.

 

* * *

 

“Jean, it’s so good to see you,” Renee greeted him outside Hazel’s coffee shop. It was a trip from Trojan Warrior but it was worth it for both the coffee and the company.

“It’s only been a few weeks since you last saw me, Renee,” Jean replied, but they both knew that he was happy to see her too.

They ordered their drinks, a black french press for him and a green tea for Renee, and sat down at their usual table, like they always made sure to once a month ever since they’d stopped working together.

“So, how have you been?” Jean asked.   
  
“Busy, but good,” Renee said, smiling “Everything at the shop is still a little bit chaotic, but having Wymack around is a help, for everyone I think.”   
  
Kevin’s father had finally come back into the picture a few weeks after they’d escaped The Nest with Neil and Jeremy in tow. Jean had only met the man briefly, but he’d learned a lot about him from talks with Renee and even Kevin, though talks with Kevin were a lot less frequent a lot more awkward. Wymack had been the owner of Andromeda, back when it had apparently been called The Foxes Den, and he’d never known he had a son. Now that he knew he apparently hung around Andromeda a lot, becoming an awkward parent both to his son and to everybody else.    
  
“Remember when I told you about why he sold me the shop so cheap? He thought I deserved a second chance, he thinks that we all deserve one...It...it means a lot,” Renee mused quietly, more to herself than to Jean.   
  
“Anything else I’ve missed?” He asked, because there was always something.   
  
“Not really, things have been surprisingly calm,” Renee laughed slightly “Kevin’s getting better, his arm still hurts at times but we’ve managed to put him back on the job, he’s finally tattooing again. Other than that all that’s happened is Allison has turned my shop into a gambling den, I’m not even sure how much she scraped in when we finally found out that Andrew and Neil were together.”   
  
“So, how are things between you and your girlfriend?” Jean asked.   
  
“Things between me and my  _ girlfriend  _ are good...she may have used the money she won to take me out for our anniversary,” Renee said, smiling shyly “What about you, how are things between you and your boyfriend?”    
  
“They’re...they’re pretty great,” Jean admitted, he knew he sounded sappy but right then he didn’t care.   
  
Jean slipped his jacket off as Renee smiled at him, now too warm from the cosy shop. As soon as he did, Renee’s eyes flickered from his face to his arms.   
  
“Is that new?” Renee said, and Jean knew immediately what she was referring to.   
  
On his arm in a spot where there’d only been blank skin before was now a colourful new tattoo, nestled between the cross covered in pastel flowers that he’d gotten for Renee and a swirling design of the star filled night sky. After almost two years of stress he’d finally figured out what to fill that spot with to complete his sleeves. He’d also figured out why he could never fill it before, it was because that spot was for Jeremy, it had always been for him, and earlier in the month he’d finally breached the subject with his boyfriend and Jeremy had beamed widely at his side as Jean got a tattoo to represent him.   
  
“Yeah,” Jean said, trying for casual, but one look at the design and Renee knew what it meant.   
  
“I’m happy for you. I’m happy that you’re happy,” Renee said, so genuine that it hurt, but for once instead of changing the subject Jean just let it happen.

They kept talking for a while after that, until Renee had to go back to work, her lunch break ending earlier than his. They said goodbye at the door and Jean knew that he should probably start heading back to his own shop, early or not, but he decided that today it wouldn’t hurt if he took a detour. 

After a quick walk and a slightly less quick bus ride Jean pulled a pair of keys out of his pocket and let himself into the building, quietly entering the apartment a few floors up.

“Hey,” Jean said, gently lowering himself onto the sofa.   
  
Jeremy had been intently focused on the laptop on his knees, probably doing something for work considering the glasses hanging off his nose as he stared down at the screen. He looked up in surprise, but his expression softened when he saw who it was.   
  
“Hey, babe,” Jeremy said, disregarding whatever he’d been doing before as he shut his laptop lid and moved it onto the table “What are you doing home?”   
  
Four months ago Laila and Alvarez had decided that it was finally time to get a place of their own, now that Laila had a better job with a better salary and Alvarez’s career as an athlete was taking off. Them moving out had led to Jeremy asking Jean to move in, it had taken him a few days to agree, but in the end of course he had and he hadn’t regretted it since. He loved the large apartment with it’s comfortable furniture and large windows, he loved redecorating with Jeremy as they painted the walls with huge works of art and turned the now spare bedroom into an office for Jeremy’s work, he loved waking up next to his boyfriend and coming home to him at night. Jean had never cared much about where he lived, but now he had a  _ home. _ __  
__  
“Long lunch, thought I’d relax at home for a little bit,” Jean said, shrugging.

“So you missed me, that’s what you’re saying,” Jeremy replied, grinning widely “You can’t fool me anymore, Jean, I know you too well.”   
  
“Shut up,” Jean muttered. He gently leaned in and removed Jeremy’s glasses, then pulled him into a kiss.   
  
It had been over a year since their first kiss, but every time it still made his head spin, in love and lucky and oh so alive. He felt as strongly about Jeremy as he had when they first got together,only know the feeling had settled deep inside him, as much a part of him as anything else.   
  
“You love me,” Jeremy said as they pulled apart to breathe.   
  
“Yeah, I do,” Jean said gently, pulling him back in for another kiss.

“I love you too,” Jeremy murmured against his lips.

Jean was still healing, there were still nights where he’d wake up screaming from nightmares or break down unable to breath, but he was happy and that was more than he’d ever thought he’d get to have, Jeremy was far from perfect too, but they were here, together, alive, and  _ happy _ .   
  
He couldn’t ask for anything more.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this is the end, holy shit.  
> I hope you liked this? I still don't know how I feel about it but it took me so long to write I went for it anyway.
> 
> ETA: I forgot to mention this before but the random characters you meet working with Jean and Laila in the epilogue are the Trojan OC's of me and some friends (exyspacegays.tumblr.com) because I wanted a Trojan's shop but...there's three canon trojans and I'd already used them all

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic i've ever wrote and I feel like I've been working on it forever, I'm so excited to finally set it free!
> 
> Please talk to me about this fic on here or on my tumblr forestparrish! (If you want to) (even if it's just incoherent screaming i'd love to hear it)


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